super irritated by what i heard few seconds ago..

**what's the point of digging up the transaction history and question me on how he spend his money.

afterall, it's HIS hard earn money.

you dont have a say in how he spend..

**how will u treat those that weren't good to you?

the same way,

or treat them better..?

what's the point of comparing to others?

do you have what it takes to compare?

aren't u ashamed when doing tt?

treat others the way you wished to be treated..

why people just cant get this..

dont you think u valued money TOO MUCH,

to the extent tt makes u selfish~?

and yet now , u wanted others to contribute to u..

ask urself..

what have u give?

felt so fucked up now..

but just dunno how to vent it out..

blogging make me feel even more pek cek.

since i cant find the right words/sentences to say them out..

haiz....

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

what's wrong with MAY!!!!!!!!!!

lost my HP, Wallet n all..

not feeling well in office..

do shredding also nearly get myself SHREDDED as well

want to buy stamp for those machines de stamp also get STUCKED!!!

reach home can also step onto n killed a lizard!!!!!!!!!

nothing's right!!!!

ARG!

IRRITATED

I LOST MY HANDPHONE, WALLET YTD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHH

damn it!

but who can i blame except for myself...

i'd been careless again,

left my things in the toilet again..

haiz...

damn sianz..

please don raise ur voice,

please don yell..

i know u dunno how to express,

but yelling will only make things worse...

my hand bleed just now...

blood just constantly rush out,

refusing to stop...

lucky it's just a small wound,

seems like a needle prick,

so it wasnt tt bad..

i think...

i really brought bad luck to you..

=(

it's always your loved ones tt did the worst damage..

*sick

running nose...

Roaming's so expensive!!!

almost half of my bill comes from ROAMING!

=X

萧敬腾-疼爱
作词:阿信(五月天)
作曲:阿信(五月天)
专辑:同名专辑

我沈默不代表我不痛
我不痛眼泪就不会流
总是安静承受安静忍受
安静看你走

你说我很适合当朋友
你说我总是会听你说
你说别太难过保持联络
有空的时候

把疼爱都给你把疼痛都给我
最痛是当时微笑送你走
等到你转身后眼泪也不敢流
只怕你偶然还会回过头

把疼爱都给你把疼痛都给我
放开手是我最后的温柔
如果你能飞得快乐自由
这疼痛并不算什麽

想挽留却为什麽点头
我不懂连我都不懂我
如果说的太少爱的太多
有谁能够懂

把疼爱都给你把疼痛都给我
最痛是当时微笑送你走
等到你转身后眼泪也不敢流
只怕你偶然还会回过头

把疼爱都给你把疼痛都给我
放开手是我最后的温柔
如果你能飞得快乐自由
这疼痛并不算什麽

千言万语拥挤我的宇宙
让我震耳欲聋喔喔
有多少爱就有多少
沈默的疼痛

把疼爱都给你把疼痛都给我
最痛是当时微笑送你走
等到你转身后眼泪也不敢流
只怕你偶然还会回过头

把疼爱都给你把疼痛都给我
放开手是我最后的温柔
如果你能飞得快乐自由
这疼痛并不算什麽

think you know me well?

think twice,

think thrice..

you might nt even know 10% of me..

human are too complex to understand...

guessing games aren't fun...

is tt hatred?

i dunno..

all i know is hurt is incurred, and they wont go off..

u did things tt i hate..

you choose to left me when i needed ur presence.

you think abt wads gd for you,

maybe u have tot for me as well.

but what u think is good for me might nt be what i wanted..

if i don need it, then it's no longer good/useful to me..

you lied to me.

you choose to protect ur privacy, hiding things from me.

you break up with me over sms again, even when you know i hate things this way, even when i keep telling you do it face to face..

too many empty words, it's all words no actions..

where are the apologies tt i wanted?

you said u will,

but u nv do so.. NOT EVEN ONCE...

i gave up everything on you..

was thinking if we can still be friends, but doubt so

u also wont want it as well..

right?

too much disappointments..

i can tolerate others..

but not lies, not constant hurts..

it's too tiring to continue....

if u want leave, then make it a clear cut..

which is wad's really gg to happen now..

from today onwards.....

.......

i dunno why u still chats with me on msn,

why still call me hon, dear and so on,

but tt wont happen anymore..

it's over...

family and love, i don have any left..

simple wish,

yet the hardest to accomplish..

Drink. Drank. Drunk?

went drinking last night,

upper circular road, kent ridge park,

3 tequila shots, half jug volka redbull, few mouths of heaven hill dry grin with coke.

high, numb, releasing control of my body, and don want to think abt anything..=)

but i wasn't knocked off nor vomit!

weeeeee, felt a sense of accomplishment!

coz i drank more than i expected =D

irritated by the most tiniest things on earth...

unstable...

I want a man like this..

=(

没一件事顺心，

没一件顺眼，

烦！

nothing's going right....

don disturb me..

i'll BITE!

LOL

YOU

tried hard not to think, to forget

but you're constantly in my mind....

ironically,

there's no much recollection/memories of you as well..

*weird fact

how do you feel when your beloved ones left you to another world.

sadness, i think...

but why do i not feel anything much,

even when my dearest grandma left me

maybe it's due to the lack of contact?

that results feelings for her faded off long ago?

or is it because feeling sad also cant changed anything.?

my grandfather just left me...

there aren't any so call closeness between us.

so neither do i feel?

again and again, people are leaving.

the same goes for you

pain, reminds me that i'm still alive.....

习惯就好。。

everything will be fine......

想做的事太多了，

想要的太多了。。

没做好的太多了，

没法回头了。。。

太多时间浪费了，

太少时间来实现。。

不曾为谁停留过，

不曾为谁怜悯。。。

time is precious..

running out of time..

the clock's ticking away.....

need a job..

genting 3rd-5th may

when will you expect?

when will you not?

when will you persevere?

when will you not?

when will you try?

when will you give up?

when will you feel hope?

when will you not?

complex, complicated, contradicting...

what lies ahead of you?

大热天里，
下起了细细绵绵的太阳雨。

像是在为谁 伤心的哭泣


你的泪，我不懂得安慰
只能在角落，静静地守候

也许，能稍微的扶你一把
也许，能轻轻为你遮挡


静静地。。。

I need to sleep. But was not in de mood for it. Sian. Fyp presentation next week n things are not done yet. Haiz
tired

i'm tired, physically and mentally.

too many tasks, too little time. insufficient energy


coz i know how it felt like to try to please.
hence i don want tt to happen on you.

it's hard to draw a line,
hence i'm in a dilemma.


am..

learning to be independent.
learning to not to expect from anyone.
learning to be selfish.
learning to survive.
learning to smile.
learning to be sociable.
learning to be easy-going.
learning to concentrate.
learning to not to trust too much.
learning to doubt.
learning to think for others.
learning to go with the flow.
learning to be considerate.
learning to trust.



but i'm loosing myself in the learning processs..

is it worthwhile?


dilemma

....tell the tears to stop....

i'll be boarding the plane to shanghai in like, another 6 hours time.

not excited, nor happy about it.
but somehow dreaded and regret why i didnt withdraw from it.

feeling emotional.


was unable to slp at all, partly coz of the darn weather, so HOT,
partly, wasn't in the mood to slp


felt kinda bad and guilty,
esp when seeing my mum helping me to stuff all my things into the small luggage.

i always find her naggy,
even till now
though i know she meant well...

i will be bringing laptop over,
it's dangerous, i know,
as the lappy will be left in the hotel in the days,
and wad if the cleaners took it away!?

haiz...

still, regardless of how she tried to persuade me to drop the idea of lappy,
i insisted..
please, let me have a safe and fun trip...



appearance weren't that important,
it's the functions that matters...

i want to slp..

百感交集。。。。。


10 days

.................................................

MOTIVATIONS NEEDED!

ARG!!!!!!!

i'm running out of time!!!


but the dumb body's failing me at this MOMENT!!!!

how am i suppose to study when i'm aint in the state for it!!!!!!!!



ARG!!!!!!!!!


now's nt the best time to punish me for abusing you ah~!!!


alright, shall go slp soon..


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
edited, 11.28PM

alright, i'm having slight fever.
sianz....

was quite disappointed with myself these few days

projects and presentations were screwed,
messy reports, unfinished ppts and more.

exams were in 7 more days time,
and yet now, i had to go for RETEST tml.

first time going for retest in poly,
failed terribly, a simple test...


today's update

had bmm presentation, the outcome was kinda saddenning for my group.
everyone had done well, except my group.

the difference in the quality of the presentation was so great till i cant bear to see.
when every other achieved their aims, we weren't





maybe i'm really not good enough.

medsoc report's down~!!!!!!!

now left with SPSS software and BMM-yog presentation!

though we are v lag behind time,
we still manage to find joy and fun out of it! =D


just like 2 days ago,

1am++, i cabbed downt o Mag's house JUST TO FINISH our medsoc report.
slpless night and both of us ended up like pandas haha


now, left with SPSS and BMM..
rad's doing the SPSS, she's doing it ALL BY HERSELF!!!!!!
whoah, good luck...
will try my best to help, if she needed la.

anw, BMM, JIA YOUs GY~
*am going to rush to Mag's house again tml night,
hopefully can finish most of the BMM ppt ba..
rush rush hush hush....

really needed some decent sweet dreams..




life's like a nightmare these few days.....

finally finished Medsoc report.

cabbed down to mag's house at thurs midnight to settle the report.
fri go nP, whole day for proj..


proj's eating to my study break!!!!!!!!!!!

AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

stressed..

it's near 1 week..

BMM, + MRSH..

MEDSoc

3 projs at the same time....


i'm tired..

can i have more energy to do all these? =)


Da Vinci-------- heart aching experience.




who heard the sorrows?

I dont enjoy this year's national day,
neither do i have any fun years ago.


Infact, this year's NDP is the worst i ever had..

thx to Pris, the random home visit did cheer me up. =D

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

today, went to catch the "UP" movie~

sweet, touching, and kinda funny throughout the show
=D
i like it..



little shopping at Ion, whoah,
A LOT SHOPS!!!
but i didnt buy much..


had a small feast at those fingerfood stores...
mini-okto, Gigantic tacopachi, pork fillet, fried prawn stick, korean rice cake.

i enjoyed today, LOTS!!!



* sweets not given out,
words not expressed,
nothing happened. *


because of its non-importance,
that explains why it is given up so easily.


another lesson learnt.

test, exams, projects..

i cant seem to cope with it..


too many things to do,
to little time to accomplish.

i want more time with you..
yet work is preventing tt..

haiz...

hmm hmm,

the shift of blog add was a decision not told to any1.
not even my closest friends.
so if you happen to chance upon this.

do let me know?

lol.

hopefully none found their way here ba,
or maybe all manage to do so?

yep, i just changed my blog address.

violence-thoughts.blogspot.com was a history,
had been having ups and downs, till i'm kind of sick and tired of all that's happening around.

just wanted to be left alone, just like how my msn nick says
therefore, i shifted to http://my-bottled-thoughts.blogspot.com/
the name's a bit weird, not tt comfortable with it yet.
shall find some time to change it again.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

things weren't going well for my relationship,
with my dar bf in ns,
having his moodswings, cancelling the meetups, feeling wanted to have time for himself etc.
well, ns sure is a torturing journey for guys i suppose.
seen a couple of friends dreading and complaining abt gg in,
and celebrating when they are finally ORD ( which i dun really understand wad it is.)
near 3 months in tekong, a small island outside singapore, away from their lovely home, warm and comfy beds,
the emotional side can be understandable.

yet, as a female, w/o experience this period in life, i couldnt fully understand all.

anw, dar was thinking too much, his tots wandering around, till tt he tot i had gone back to ex bf.

well well, felt kinda shocked n ridiculars when i first saw the msg.
yep.

told him i didnt, and i still love him.
hope this could make him feel better...
3 more days till he books out, till he can enjoy de short break, freedom outside tekong.


was too preoccupied with all these emotional ups and downs, till i neglected my studies again.
hmm, laziness play a part in it as well..

emotional creature, i always am

kinda sick and tired of all the shitty things i'm in now..


no mood for anything.


we all need a break i suppose...




*back to sch work... *

time now, 4.48am.

shld be on bed sleeping..
yet i wasn't.


sch at 9am, which will be in 4 hrs time.
long day again...


sigh...



while extending the hours,
i'm shortening MY HOURS!


wonder if any1 get wad i mean not. lol

吸引别人的前提是调整好自己。
能够忍受孤独和艰辛才不会急切地寻求陪伴，
即使宽厚的肩膀也要辨别之后再依靠。
- Kool~

deep down,
lies thoughts that are unknown to others.

ugly and awful they are,
lay there silently,
waiting to be discovered.


none has been told,
none should be told.

reality, cruel as it has always been...

currently i'm just like a walking zombie.
walking around aimlessly and might fall and doze of any seconds!

hm, why am i like why lei?

reason very simple, i didnt slp last night, except for the 2 hr nap in evening.
so, let's count, i didnt sleep for 28Hours le!!!!!!!!!!

faint.

why i didnt slp last night lei?
coz was busy chionging the Graph Comm posters n last touch on the logos.
they are not perfect, but better than before i guess.
and funny thing i noticed is that under the influence of RED BULL, i was over energetic, and that's why my inspirations on the poster design came about~!!!!!!!!!!!!

Muahahhaha


hm, so today, had a short consultation with Mr Ang Chiat, my Graph Comm tutor, he didnt comment much on my poster, but it was approved and workable
well, tt will do ba..

too tired n drained for more ideas on it le..

after consultation, had MRSH survey + interview questions compilation.
and OMG la, we took near 3 hours to finish it.

imagine i was already half alive coz didnt slp.
and still had to tahan for another 2hr++.
haiz..

the whole compilation process was kinda funny, jokes thrown here and there.
had a great laugh there.

then stay back in sch a while thinking that i can do graph comm in sch.
haha, was distracted so sort of wasted my time thre..

well, anyways, i'm tired le..

shall go slp le..



this post like quite chapalang likett
LOL..

nitey ppl..
yawn..

love me ~

thursday( 28/05/2009)

a short dinner and movie date.

and turns out to be my Lunar Bday~
hhoho..

it feels good to be involved, to be introduced around.
though socialization wasn't what i'm good at, nor enjoys,
you do make me feel involved. =)

Lunar Bday,
coincidence=)
mama told me before i left house.
was greatful that she actually remembers.( tot they dont care de )
ate few mouthful of noodles and rushed out house.

sitting outside de esplanade, doing nothing..
small sharing sessions.
i'm contented. =)
enjoyed the time spend..


it's the thoughts and the sincerity that matters to me..
em, if it can be put into actions, wont it be BETTER? =D



Friday(29/05/2009)

wake up in the morning to do the MRSH e-chat.
bored... and messy chatrooms.
totally turn off when i enters it.=X

chionged my BMM elearning work,
and go for sun tanning after tt.
by the time me n mag reach sentosa,
it was already 3+PM.
kind of late for sun tanning.
and well, we didnt get tan also.
the sun wasn't too strong,
and the hours were short.

after that, we met up with jess, sin li, sihao for a flyer experience.
10bucks only, and it's the last day le..
gals hours =D

Sat and Sun(30-31/05/2009)
work as usual,
sunday, dar's at town as well=)
fetched me up after work and send me off at the bus stop.

no much time left before tekong.=(




life's still as usual, with loads of works piling up, no time/i'm lazy to finish the works?

part time's giving me some troubles and headaches, for i cant afford much time for friends and work, and dar also.

still, i cant quit..

it's stressful, yet at the same time, that's what shapes us stronger=)
shall go slp le..


nitey~

can i have more time ?

tired,
depressed,
stressed...




at the end of the day,
it's de self tt we care abt i guess...


sadden by tt,





assignments, tasks, projects,
graphCOM,
illustrator.

SLAP tt stupid singtel modem,
connecting to internet's a CHORE now..

can hardly find space to breathe...

my house's modem's a bit sort, n now i cant connect to MY HOUSE's wireless...

i'm using some others wireless..
sianz..
i might not be online for sometime i guess

Below is my one SIDED story...
n it's biased to a certain extent...

IB case study presentation WAS HORRIBLE..
none want to present except SHE!

i didnt want to,
but i dont have a choice i guess...

chill, i'm not angry or anything abt it,
tt's just how things had to be..


n it seems like she had PREPARED for it..
so left me standing there like an IDOIT, my presentation marks going drains.
IT JUST MAKES ME THINKING TT SHE ONLY CARED ABOUT HERSELF, NOT THE GROUP.
"AS LONG AS I PRESENT WELL CAN LE, THE REST, TT'S THEIR PROBLEM FOR NOT PREPARING, FOR THROWING EVERYTHING AT ME."
tt's how i think at the moment

HELL WASTED marks..
though i'm not a good presenter, but it wont be this BAD i tell you.



IB project was an failure.
with everyone's word n works being edited without informing

trust VIOLATED!
the way she do things portrays herself as VERY capable, likes to do things on her own.
initially i tot everything was alright, every1 did their parts.
she will just compile and print it.

also, since the CASE Study we had discuss it,
she, being the one with the ppt, will edit it, n tt's how she portrays it to be.
when others asked her to send the ppt, she didnt, n onli do so this afternoon 1PM,
when the presentation was at 2PM!! with nothing DONE!


yes we are not initiative, we are at faults as well..

but pls, if u cant handle it alone, JUST SAY

it's not we DONT WANT TO DO/HELP,
but you, trying to do all and DOMINATE the whole things
doing ur own things, w/o us knowing.

n YET in the end, there's no good outcomes...


i dont like this happening.
this is 3rd yr, with everything rushing n fast paced.
i dont have to time to settle it slowly.
my friends are aiming for good grades..

i'll be HARSH..

n i'm no goody gal as well..

n it's the 2ND time le.
no more 3RD time pls...

-ve emotions are bringing every1 down...

it's not against SHE, but how she does things, how she behave in the project...


i'm venting, ranting,
I HAVE NO HIGH EQ

I DISLIKE TODAY!!!!!!!!!

YO ppl..
i'm currently at Mag's house..

a little mahjong session to set the drinking game running....

as a beginner for mahjong game, i do have some beginner's luck n won several rounds, but i lose 3-4 consecutive runs games and drank consecutively quite a no. of alcohol..

so resulting tt i'm partially drunk.

our dear friend, HK, her BF came to fetched her away, and now mag n jess's out to buy food
they are hungry...

me, being partially drunk, was feeling giddy but yet still conscious and knowing wad i'm doing..

now i'm kinda sianz as me and mag had to be in sch by 930AM for some project compilation thing...
arg! i go do my project stuffs le,
though i'm still having the dizzy feeling..

=)

what will you do if you bought a pair of shoes that you like, and soon after wearing, discover that it dont fits you?


1) throw it away
2) keep it but no longer wear it
3) continue to wear, till it gets comfy



a very simple example to illustrate things...


work is hectic, esp when there's sales and promotions gg on..
SHAGGED...

once again, overslpt, n missed my MRSH lecture at 11!!!!!!
ARG!!!!!! i got to stop this bad habit....

anyway, went for facial, and meet up with Qiao Fei~
weeeee, she dressed up, n me, so sloppy likett
ahhaha

did some embarrassing stunts at "pepper plus" fitting room,
when adjusting the tube top, the whole thing came OFF!!!!!!
WTF!

lol..


Vivo-ed, white dog restaurant,
nice food i'd say, i like the ambience and those beautiful night scenes, which was pretty far from our seat..

LOL..

anyway, had a weak stomach over dinner,
yup..


working tml..
n i'm so so so TIRED!!!!!!!!
shall go catch some slp le..
hopefully, i wont be late for work tml..

having some hard time waking up recently.. =(

skipped my BMM tutorial today, was too tired to wake up for it.

graphic com lecture, medsoc lecture then headed for home.


i went down to JOG today, after much considerations and thinkings.

AMAZING~! haha


hopefully, i can sustain ba..

anyway, jog+ brisk walk + stairs climbing for around 35mins.
i nearly fell off from the stairs when climbing my way up.
now just pray that there wont be any muscle aches tml!!!!!!!

=)



MRSH-> MCC chart!!!

ARG!!!!!! stressed..

07/05/2009

BMM tutorial was cancelled last min this morning.

was too tired to go sch, so intended to skipped my GraphComm and MEDSOC lectures.


Rushed down to sch to celebrate our HuiKuoon's BDAY in advance!!!!!!

happy birthday gal!!!!!!

the surprise was an SUCCESS!!!!!!!!!

muahahaha..
it feels great to be together =D


n i totally missed my lectures..LOL..


anw, pooled with Jess, Mag, YJ for 6 HRS!!!!!!
tt's de longest pool session i ever had.

but we totally had fun there...



i happy today..

not happy ytd

Yong jia recommended me to listen to this song..

i like the lyrics... i really do..

yet i'm so stunned by the lyrics as well..

enjoy de song ba..

=D

張智成 - 讓時間開口


腳步重心口痛你開始淚流
太明白在未來已不能遷就
應驗了一開始有人說我們一定不會長久

淚乾了各自走不會有挽留
現在就放開不會再牽的手
沒有錯我們並沒有錯只是走不到最後＊

從頭到尾安靜的承受
分開的默契我們都有
所有的想念和問候
留作以後朋友代口

當時間緩緩流走
已不適合再開口
背影隨沉默拉長
所有答案都在心上

當時間緩緩流走
會代替我們開口
寂寞再回到身旁
愛情留待別人遇上＃

時間會代你開口

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

the tap's spoiled!!!!!!!
HOW DO I OFF IT!!!!!!!!!!???????



chiong-ing tutorial now..
coffee at night really keeps me awake..

LOL

sorry if my words hurt you..


i don't mean to, and that's the last thing i want to do....


do you believe?



... ...losing the ability to express myself... ...

A failure Fried Rice.


inspired by Jessica last night,
so i tried cooking fried rice today, and it turn out to be quite a failure.

firstly, it looked gross on the appearance, with some burnts and crusts here and there.
also, there were a couple of lumps of rice too.

it taste weird also. i added too much salt, and the salt didnt dissolve. so when eating, there are some over salty areas.


hahaha..

i duno how to describe the failure.
shall try fried rice next time,
hopefully, it'll be better....


=)

谢谢你那善意的谎言，
谢谢你总是在为我想。

很抱歉伤了你，
我无法给你该有的温柔。。。

thank you..... JH

100th, not so good,
101th, worse!
i tried, but the outcome was kinda bad,
what shall i do.....

cookies, have them fresh, tt's what i had in mind at that moment...



listening to this song again and again,
lovely words form these lyrics
why do they sound so sad to me.....



Sometimes When We Touch

You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply _
I'd rather hurt you honestly _
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
On what you say or do?
I'm only just beginning to see the real you_

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide_
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry_
I wanna hold you tilL the fear in me subsides

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride_
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives_
I'm just another writer
Still trapped within my truth_
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth_

And sometimes when we touch_
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide_
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

At times I'd like to break you
And drive you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through_
And hold you endlessly

At times I understand you_
And I know how hard you've tried
I've watched while love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by

At times I think we're drifters_
Still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I haveve to close my eyes and hide_
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides...

there's one place on earth i hate the most now.
and tt's my house!


for most people, no matter wad, they still love their home de most, with all the people ther for them.

but i don feel this at all.

all i see is distrust, not being respected, live rubbish bin, venting ground and the list goes on... ...

if only i'm independent, if only i've got the money now,
i will never ever want to go back to this place. NO AT ALL...


i had enough, way enough to bear with...

if u don like my attitude, please do some self reflections first,
coz wad u see is wad i received from you! and you are much worse than me.
just that they always spoils you till you tot you are always right.

it's obvious, whom they dotes and whom they dont.


DAMN YOU ALLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!
I HATE you



i need you now, but where are you..
you're bothered by your things and emotions,
so am i too...

bad day
bad month..
n FUCK those mother FUCKERS!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


leave me alone, i just want to be alone.........
pls, do not ask anything, i hate to mention them...
be considerate..

.

.

.

.

.

mooooooooooooooo

.

.

.

.

mooooooooooooooooooooooo

.

.

.

.

baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

.

.

.

.

baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

missing

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!

i finally managed to secure 2 HR Appointments today!!!!!!!!

so happy..

but then, one of them is because the person's interested and keen on the topics, so she called to the company.

the other will be like, i'm sort of cheating her, tt's how i feel la.
but then, this is a business world, we make use of beautiful words to polish up our services, intentionally exclude unfavourable terms and conditions just to get to the core purpose.

sad huh, but i guess tt's how things are ba..


well well,
just when i tot i had a great day,
something spoils it all..

was pissed pissed very pissed.

if i'm really in the wrong, i dont mind getting scoldings, for, I"M WRONG!

but i nv like to be scolded or shouted at when i have not done anything wrong yet, it's all their assumptions that i'll do this and tt, but i haven and did not intend to do so.
FUCK OFF THEY IDIOTS!!!!!!

so full of themselves, and yet always thought they're right..
damn ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


HAD ENOUGH OF THIS STUPID RUBBISH!!!

PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'll be going for my appointment tomorrow~!!!!!!!!! weeeeee
MY appointment!!!!! =D

wild wild wet with kaiting, pris, deb and weiyi=D

2 of them are late! but it's okay.. hahaha

-went into www, get changed! OMG, there's so many Indians on that day! trying not to ve racist, but seeing too many of them did frighten me, but mainly is family likett.

- went to do play those kiddy slides, i slipped and fall on my butts and knocked my head! OUCH!

- played the ular-ulah for a couple of times, guess this is how they spelled it, quite fun! but somehow we always missed the camera.. =.=

-then also had this facility, where we need to carry the BIG-2 seater float up the stairs, like walked 3 floors, and den slide down the u-shaped slide! it's THRILLING!!!!! but was lazy to play it again, for the FLOAT"S WAY TO HEAVY LA!!!!!!! me and kaiting had a hard time carrying it!

-the tsunami wave pool was quite okay, but i nearly drowned there. The incident took place at the 1.8m pool there, was trying to climb up the float, but sliped on the float and plunged down into water. tried to kick up, but I CONFESS, I'm A WEAK SWIMMER, more accurately is I CANT SWIM. so though i did kick up the water to the surface, but i cant float.. -.-
so in the end, was saved by lifeguard! and everyone's eyes were on me!!!!!! embarrassed!

- played 1 slide, where it's like a tube likett.. so when u were sliding, u're been engulfed by total darkness. it's kinda scary, for u cant even see ur fingers when in the slide.
then a lady infront of us get STUCKED in it.. poor thing, she must have felt damn scared!


after WWW, dine with them + meixuan.
updating each other on our lives....
i enjoy these gatherings~!!!!!!!!!


ahhaha

here's a little update on what happened.





attachment is getting worse by days, as i'm doing the same thing, calling and calling everyday.

i never like callings, esp calling to request them to let my company hold seminars.

so somehow, it makes us on the downside, as we are asking a favour from others.



so i get quite depressed over attachment, and it gets worse when all the other interns, except me, had managed to secure HR appointments.
Though my immediate advisor did not say anything about it, but I still felt the pressure building up. I am really afraid that this will affect my evaluation grades though it's just a pass or fail. I do not wish to fail my attachment!

Well, what can I say, it's something that I don't enjoy doing, and also, not good at.

However, I knew it well that no matter how much I dislike it, how much I complain and nag about it, things won't change.

The world won't change because of me, I know it well.
So, I got to change and adjust myself to fit into my surroundings.

Trying hard to now, but can't help but to complain every now and then.
Venting out of my emotions is necessary, if not, I might get overly depressed.

21/03/2009,Sat

As usual, Sat was the day for my sales part time job.

How do we define good friends?

I guess I ain't one.

For I couldn't be there for you when you needed me most. I felt kinda sad when realising this.

You even expressively stated that you wanted to see me, but I just can't abandon my work and run to you.

I'm sorry, friend.

I wish I could, throw away all the obligations that I had to fulfil, or find some excuses or reasons to tell my colleagues to let me off early, so I can go look for you.

But I didn't.

Maybe I'm just too selfish, like some others said.

But I did try my best to make myself available to you, through sms.

I even tried to send you video message, picture message, video call you, but sadly, my pathetic phone failed me.

So, I keep on find excuses to use my handphone: toilets, going into storeroom, refilling my water bottle.

For these, I feel that I had tried my very best.

Though you said the sms-es had helped you alot, and thanked me for that. It did lessen the guilt I had, but still, I felt bad towards you.

Similar incidents had happened before, that's why it bugs me so deep.

I can't guarantee that this won't happen again, but I will try to make myself the most available..

once again, i felt apologetic to you, and you.

And YOU-s, thank you for being there for me when I'm down.

I appreciate the efforts, time and attentions of yours.

Though I may not have said it, but I really mean it.

Thanks.

currently I'm quite obsessed with this song,
somehow the lyrics reminds me of something..

meaningful but yet sad...

放了爱


你指向远方爱情很晴朗

笑问不如今后就我们俩

怕泪会反光钻进你胸膛

但那不是感动是泪无法储藏

把美梦锁上以为是天堂

羽翼折起在你身边静静躺

却只能用目光空中翱翔

还得乔装安份靠在你肩膀





放了爱 为了爱 这不是我

该怎麼生活 放了爱





你说你喜欢我笑得开朗

你越温柔我越不想撒谎

我已办不到你想要的那样

客气地配合你我感觉更勉强


别人的幸福何必要模仿

心不在何苦留躯壳在身旁

加满自由我要无重量飞翔

就算以分离收场





放了爱 为了爱 这不是我

该怎麼生活放了爱

会明白有种拥有 叫作放手


我的心为爱流离失所

紧握最后回家的线索

等到寻获真正的我

证明我决定没有错


放了爱 为了爱 这不是我 想要的生活

放了爱 你会明白 有种拥有 叫作放手

放了爱 我放了爱

Loves:

The little ironing session!!!

simple and sweet

work,
chalet,
night out,
bath,
slp,


changed,
vivo,
thai express,
walk around,
indigestion,
trained,
home.


when you saw the changes, though you said it's something good, however, your tone and expressions disagree with it.

changes, something that never stop its steps, happenning to each and everyone in the every seconds of life.

many things happened, i guess i was no longer the same as whom you had known.

what awaits infront, is something which i do not know and do not want to know.


you pointed out something which i wasn't aware of...


*sticky sticky*

2nd week of my attachment, and i really do not like it.
it's not so related to what i studied, not something tt interests me.


today, after my lunch, had this terrible cramp, and vomited twice in the mini-toilet cubicle.
couldn't stand it so cab to a polyclinic and went home after obtaining the MC.

the waits at polyclinic were not that long le, think i spend like 1 hr 15 mins there. yep





because you are someone special + important, therefore, that may explain the expectations.
when perceptions do not meet the expectations, disatisfaction occurs.

if this is a test, you failed terrible.

i needed a lot of attention then, a hug, the cares and concerns and also your prescence.

cares and concerns yes i may have it, but the rest, none.

maybe you have your reasons, maybe i'm just too spoilt, i dont know.

All i see now is i'm not so happy with it.

high fluctuations in mood now....



Blame the PMS, blame the hormones...

I'll be fine soon

despite that,

i'm still crazily in love with you

la la la la la la la la la la la la la la

sat, 7/03/2009

work,
clubbed,
danced,
laughed,
irritated,
drank,
dizzy,
startled,
chatted,
discussed,
split,
homed.


clubbing was alright, loved the accompaniment of friends, though half way was a little pissed but it's inevitable i guess.
tt's normal for places like clubs, so yep..

drank a little, few sips only, but felt the giddyness came and go.
a little chat session outside de club, was tired then..

a little break from the hectic schedules... =)

moments ago, everything's fine

moments later, everything changes....






i dunno how to react to it....





tell me what shall i do....








i'm sad


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
maybe, i'm not gd enough for u...

Extracted from some random blogs:

"how u know someone is the right one for u"


I personally feel that you know its the right one

when everyday is such a happy day
even fights/unhappy days seem so sweet
you can't get your mind off that person
you close your eyes you see him/her
you open your eyes you see him/her
you save up, and plan to go out with him/her
you burn down your entire forest for him/her
you're so proud of him/her, you want everyone to know
you want to hold his/her hands and dance under the stars
you plan surprises and everything he/she says is cute and silly
his/her presence makes unhappiness/weariness go away
you are willing to suffer, to make him/her happier
you love him/her the same
even when his/her hair is like shit
and even when he/she got pimples all over his/her face

everywhere u go, you think of that person
everything u do, you think of that person
everything u eat, you think of that person
every breath u take, you think of that person
every sms that comes, you wish its that person
you worry for him/her
you wanna protect him/her
you get jealous of him/her
you wanna spend your last cent on/with him/her
you dream of a married life with him/her
having kids, getting old together, holding hands in heaven

When that person leaves you
he/she scars you so bad
you lose your sanity, dignity and ability to lead a normal life
It hurts worse than any physical pain could give
The poison eats you relentlessly
and there is NO antidote
You lost meaning in life
and realises that you've finally loved somebody
more than you loved yourself
Good Game!

That person is the One, the Right One
This person is extremely hard to find
May be once in a lifetime
Lacking any of the points above
does not qualify him/her

HOWEVER HOWEVER HOWEVER
I must state that:
1. this person is the Right One for you
2. you may not be the Right One for him/her
3. remember that Life/Fate is always cruel

Those who have met the one will know
what the hell I'm talking about
I hope this answer the question for most of you.
May you all find happiness..


Meaningful and true. Sends me into deep thinking....

Nothing much/special happennings going on.

All i did these few days were sleep eat shit, n looking at my pile of notes

yep yep, exams are coming, first paper on the coming sat. =(

so hmm....
shall off to my notes..


Plans after exam:

1. K session
2. Attachment


HELL MAN, I SAW THIS CENTIPETE IN MY BASIN JUST NOW!!!!!!!
EEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK!!

Felt kinda moody 2-3 days ago.
For i felt like i'm going to loose a friend soon.
I knew it well that we are no longer as close as before,
but still, hates tt feeling..

hmm...

shall not think abt it anymore.
tt's wad reality is about i guess
nothing much i can do?

as 1 gets older, he/she's more afraid to lose..?

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Sometimes I was quite amazed by what shit comes out from me.
they are so unliked me.

wonder if i really meant it, but i seriously dun know, or maybe dun wanna know?
irresponsible speaker
LOL..


random post, CNY eat n slp at home.
hopefuly i wont gain weight cause of this. =)

28th Jan 2009, someone's having a test tml.
all the best..
n rmb to drink the essence.. =D

*

tata

back from my consecutive 3 days of work.

first time working 3 consecutive in ISETAN, somehow that creates some confusions in the dates =X

CNY's approaching, people are rushing to buy new clothes etc, many sales gg on, n isetan's so PACKED with moving human beings!!!

Tired eyes + Tired mind + a worn out body = Restless GY

rude + ignorant customers = pissed GY

LOL..

time seems to move so slowly when people dreaded it..
so haix


anyway, someone came during the night, with his friend.
though he just accompanied friend to collect shirts, but still it manage to cheers me up.=)

some small minor things that tends to be neglected can really makes a great diff =)

anyway, a brief intro was done with i'm working,
but it feels so weird as i dont know how to react to it, same goes for his friend ba =/

so when we met later, I asked his name again LOL..
was thinking of doing a handshake as well,
but it may seems to be too weird n formal ba
so in de end didnt do it..

LOL




alright, time for some serious work..
they're piling up to such a hill tt i dunno wher to start from..
Hmmm....

my stomach's playing games with me for consecutive 3 days le.
hm, let's see who will surrender first

2 outcomes:

1) stomach gives up n stop giving me butterflies and tummy aches and multiple toilet errands. =)

2) I surrender and go see doctor. =(

yep..

when everything's in a mess

3rd- 4th jan-
work as usual
watch late night movie " Bed Time Stories"
stupid n hilarious show,
but really entertaining.

99th day

1 year 4 months
a picture can stirs all the feelings within me
letting go?
easy?
time heals?

are those smiles and care real?


i shldn't be thinking of all these

*woots*
haven been blogging for exactly 1 month! hoho nice1?

anyway, for the whole dec, all i can say is busy
busy with CT, after-CT-events

went to crash jessica's chalet on the 16-17 dec,
and due to my mixing up of dates n places, i didnt go for the HM chalet.
so.. hmm...

23 Dec- meet up with deb, jas, pris, marina square, YESMAN, suntec crystal jade

24-25 Dec christmas - picnic in car at labrador park, walk around, car ride around. =)

25 dec Christmas- orchard, cineleisure, xinwang hk cafe, orchard road phototaking, balcony =)

31 dec -1st jan new yr eve- fireworks + midnight kbox session with mag n yq =)


i dunno wad to blog le.
being unable to organise things is creating so many troubles for me when coming to blogging..
so yup, tt's all.. lol

Have decided to do resolutions for this yr.
well, we did this in sec sch, n i was nv serious in it AT ALL..
shall get serious for this yr, yr2008

1) Save $$
set a limitted amt tt can be spent per month, if overspent, den die die my business. shall be
harsh on myself i think, i'm too anyhow le lei

2) Lose weight
gain quite a few Kilograms of weight since de start of poly sch life. All my so xinku losed
weight had came back le, n my butts, thighs n stomach are getting bigger than ever. Gotta
control my appetite, eat lesser. I DUN WANNA REALLY BECOME A BALL like wad C2Y
says..

3) Work hard for my academic
had been more n more slack as days goes by. It's time to sit down and pull up my socks le i
think. My parents thrown in so much $$ to let me study, i dun wanna just get to back some
Cs, Bs, or worse, D or fails. So i hope to get all As for my academic. but tt seems so impossible,
so 4As out of 6 modules.

4) Have $2000 savings in my bank.

5) To stay in contact with all my dear friends.
this is like so hard n impossible for me to do it man. i seldom contacts ppl for no reason. haiz.
but i shall try my best i suppose. i dun wanna lose my friends. they mean too much to me. I
cant survive without them!

One had to beg

One was offered

WAD THE F**K

the hatred only grows

沿海公路的出口

Ella：
用一根火柴烧一场蜃楼
借这场大雨让自己逃走
荒茫公路无人的漂泊
寂寞海啸把我卷走

用一段感情换一个朋友
每一句再见割一道伤口
躲在万劫不复的街头
微笑参透覆水难收

Hebe：
倘若说放一次手
就像咳一个嗽
我又何苦在乎得不到的温柔

Selina：
我坐在公路的出口
等待天黑以后无边的寂寞
连想你都是种残酷切磋

Hebe：
我目送沿海的日落
紧抱一个醉生梦死的枕头
游不出回忆 却学不会放手
怎么走
Ella：
倘若说放一次手
就像咳一个嗽
我又何苦在乎得不到的温柔

Selina：
我坐在公路的出口
等待天黑以后无边的寂寞
连想你都是种残酷切磋

Hebe：
我目送沿海的日落
紧抱一个醉生梦死的枕头
游不出回忆 却学不会放手
怎么走

Selina：
我坐在公路的出口
等待天黑以后无边的寂寞
连想你都是种残酷切磋

合：
我目送沿海的日落
紧抱一个醉生梦死的枕头
游不出回忆 却学不会放手

saw these on the taiwan actress 伊能靜's blog
it's taken from a book"昨日誕生悲傷戀情"
below is a quote from the book.
kinda like it..
hope i get the chance to lay my hands on this bk..
hohohoho



男人說:不必特說喜歡，也應該知道吧!
男人總是這麼說，但是沒辦法，女就是愛聽。因為一聽到(我喜歡你)，這句話，就好像有抓住一點幸福在手裡的感覺。



女人並不是因為很閑才跟你碰面
而是因為想見你才去見面

hoho

one shld be contented with wad he/she has

love and treasure wad u have now

dont complain

be grateful

it's not as bad as u tot

accept it love it if not change it

complains wont work

be optimistic

whinning wont turn back time

smile

laugh

jokes

cries

tears

angers

jealousy

attention

i'm

just a mere human

te quiero

maybe i'm just a selfish-spoiled-brat..

Blah Blah Blah...

little bit of disappointments here and there.

somehow i'm kinda tired

when i bo chap~

the champain grape incident

i ate up all

he ask

stunned

maybe tt's who i am

hell moo moooo

having the urge to pour out to someone, anyone

the longer i kept it in me, the faster i will go insane.

wad had went wrong?

it's not that i had no 1 to talk to,
but just that i'm fearing the secondary consequences

or am i worrying too much again..




did i do it right?

a friend told me last night tt i haven been updating for sometime,
so here i am,to update my long forgotton blog. =)

well, 1 week of sch had passed,
basically it's mainly lectures, and BCOM, n SPANISH lesson.

lecture was boring as usual, so i was too tired n skipped my fri's lecture,
den i noticed tt it's one of thoseCANNOT-SKIP lecture( AAA ) as it's something like POA/FMGT,
once u missed it, it's hard to catch up le.
so kinda stupid of me! ARG

haiz..

nvm, let's talk about spanish.
spanish is fun, n stressful too.
all those tongue-rolling pronouciations, verbs proverbs, guys n gals' usage thingy is driving me mad.
but it's really interesting to learn a foreign language.
and my spanish tutor, Maestro (teacher) Esteban, at
he appeared to be shy, but once he starts the lesson,
it's kinda fun and interesting as he's trying his best to make us say out the words.
it'll be weird and uncomfortable if i'm doing it alone, but nt when every1's doing it. =))

and one more thing, my BCOM tutor n my Spanish tutor are actually roommates man!!!
whoah,tt wad like so coincident la!

n know how we discover this?
they actually had the same penalty for handphone ringing in class la, dance to the ringtone man~!!!

hahaha...
n oh ya, my bcom tutor was a real smart guy man~!!!!
ahhahaha...
shall talk abt it next time..hohohoho

shall go do my tutorials le..
haven touched on them et..
faint~!!!


OH OH!!! before i end...

something bad's happening to me now~!!!!!!!!!!
my appetite had increased like no one's business la!!!!

normally i'll onli eat like around less than 5-6 spoons of rice for dinner,( less than 1 scoop)
but today, i ate 2 FULL BIG BOWLS of RICE LA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! + SOUP
though i finished it in 1 hr++ time,
but the amt i ate was like 8-10 times more than wad i eat normally la!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DAMN STUPID MAN!!!!!!!!!!!

wad am i doing,
think by the time u see me again,
i'll become a fat piggy GY le la.....
sad man..


6 more days to go..
i'm looking forward to it, but at the same time,
i'm kinda worried abt it..
hmm hmm..

Science Centre Trip

inconsistant weather,
non-long-lasting heels
fluctuating emotions....


suddenly realised that i've had been staying in the current comfort zone of mine.
realised that i had missed out a lot of tings going around me.
yearn for a change, but was frightened to make the move.

maybe i'm just a self centred ass, that didnt cares abt others other than myself?


lots of self reflections to be done
avoiding wasnt the solution.
emo


不看不想不理假装不懂
心挣扎

walle
shopping
self-select class
work
sick
sianz.

This sat was totally packed!!!
have to work in de morning,
den gg to meet pris in de afternoon
den later gg east coast in evening...
=.=


i'm tired....

feeling kinda stupid.
hahaha..

tot i was online all the while, but in the end, i forget to change my MSN status to online,
so ended up, appearing offline for an hr plus, n emo over some dumb things
hahahaa



anyway, work work today.
didnt catch enough slp last night,
so was feeling weak n sick again
suddenly i got kang chiong n need to finish a couple of things today.
somehow i'm too slow i guess..
hm hmm..
dun feel gd abt it..

n felt like vomiting on bus home, DAMN man.


reminder to myself:
"Look Where u are Walking" hahaha..

finished watching Hana Yori Dango season 1 n 2

oh oh, damn nice..
n DOMYOUJI~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i LOVE u~
ahahahaha


simply love it..

ahhaha..


when..
expectation = disappointment

it simply make me sad..

hence, i'm nt gg to repeat tt again..
i hope i can do tt..

JIA YOU GY~ =D

RAINING

hatesitwhenigetsemotional

Thurs 04/09/08

-Lunch break with JH
-near knock down by car again!!
-slacking off at work
-watching hana yori dango <3


Fri 05/09/08

-work,
-nt feeling well,
-dozing off at work
-weak stomach
-running errands to toilet every hr
-finished hana yori dango season 1

WA!!!!!!!!!!!!
DOMYOUJI~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOVEEEEEEEE
=D

oops, cant wear my contacts tml le.. -.-

hahahaha

nitez nitez..
i wanna watch walle walle..

DISASTEROUS DAY!!!

- bad hair day, curled hair

- my office desktop tio virus for no reason -.-

- nearly knock down by car

- knock onto files n photocopy-ing machine in de office

- rained when on de way home

-squeeze on bus

- fell off from bus seat n land on butts when the bus jerks violently, bus is packed!

sianz..

haiz..
tml need to wake early,
go suntec rock auditorium for event, doing registration
so better go slp le

nitez..

the phone rang when i was just abt to call.. =D

hmm..

i think..





i must be


.
.
.
MAD
.
.
.

when my thoughts went wild

went to suki sushi with qiao fei on sat.
hahaha, ate till we almost vomit out..

chit-chatted,
shopped a bit.

work on sunday,
reached home tired
chat-ted a while on phone,
slpt at 2.30
wake up 630am.
rush to work.
doze-ing off here n there

sianz..

3 saturdays occupied. =)
movie?
science centre + snow city?
shopping +bbq?
hahahaha..
mad..
damn tired..

getting emo soon..
hohohohoho


sensitive, insensitive,
haiz