Goodbye forever. Time to move on..

I doubt HE will read this.
Well, it doesn't matter, even if he read it.


It had been approximately 8 months since the end of my relationship. It was quite a hard journey for me, to truly let go and start afresh. Initially, I thought I can do it easily since I had wanted a break for few months. However, when the breakup really happens, it was a total different story.

There were many times I wanted to call and ask for patch, but pride was in the way. Abusive words, emotional text conversations sent from me, to hide my true intensions.

I am not very smart, especially when it comes to reading mind. From my perspective, it seems like HE didn't really want to patch, but he needed comforts.

A little luring sweet talks and I was lured in deeper. Deep enough to believe things will work out, deep enough to lost myself... My friends call it, SELF-DESTRUCTION.
But reality is cruel.

HE had moved on, very well it seems.


Couples in relationship like to keep memories, items, to reminisce them after they grow old together. We had 1 box as well. It wasn't full, but it was filled with 40+ notes from him. I had re-read them  a couple times. I read through them today as well, but for the last time. 

It's time to move on, to let go of the past, regardless how much joy and tears it brings.

Goodbye to the 3 years of memories, of the time spent together.

I won't give you my blessings for sure, in fact I do hope you fall and hurt like how I suffered. I'm not angelic at all.



I finally threw these away, to free my heart and soul for the past and you.

I'm thankful for you showed me what your love is like, and how it is when it is gone.

 

 

 

Anyway, here's a little self reflections I did as I go through the notes:

1. Maybe, I had neglected you and your feeling earlier on
2. Maybe, I was too stubborn and selfish for wanting the best of everything, friends and you
3. Maybe, I was not capable to reciprocate your love in our relationship
4. Maybe, I was too afraid to love, for I don't feel love enough

 

The end.

 

 

 

How You Forget You’re Worth Loving

http://thoughtcatalog.com/jessica-blankenship/2014/01/how-you-forget-youre-worth-loving/#vWdLLDA2i9DPgdLA.01

Will like to share an article before I end my day.

How You Forget You’re Worth Loving


a reminder to self..

Nights all.

Something unfortunate happened to me few days ago.
After a tiring day at work, I went to and tried to cook instant noodles for dinner.
Then, I accidentally spilled the boiling soup and scalded my left hand pretty badly. My fingers were burning like mad and they're trembling non-stop due to the scalding. I was so scared that I'm going to lost my hand due to that.

Here's a photo of how my hand looks like on the 2nd day of the incident:

The blisters keep getting bigger and I was afraid if I can break it. I even went to clinic to get this treated.

Here's another picture on how my hand looks on the 4th day:

As you can see, the blisters are gone. But the skin looked burnt.

Hopefully, it will recover soon.

Alright, that's all for today.

Nights.

Happy Moments Day 8, 9, 10

Oh my, I'm neglecting this blog again.

Was quite busy at work and on my school assignments. Hence, explains the lack of postings on this blog.

Since I've started on this Happy Moments x 100 days challenge, I really want to try to keep the posting on daily basis till the end of it. Seems like I need to work harder on this.

Well, I couldn't really remember what are the happy or joyous moments in the past few days. 

How am I suppose to be happy when under tremendous amount of stress?!

Not necessarily. Happiness can be derived from every single little things around us. Such as a delicious meal, getting your work done. 

So let me summarize on the happy moments in this past few days:

1. waking up on time and not late for work. I'm a severe late-comer. It is not easy for me to be on time, let alone being early. =D
2. mini snack treats in office. Little treats that will ease the stress and tensions, and encourage some bonding sessions as well.
3. Yakult on a daily basis! This may sounds a little silly, but yakult is my favorite drink.  
4. messages from friends. Be it a simple greeting or some silly jokes, they never fail to brighten my days. 

Alright, time to get some sleep. 

Happy Moments Day 6 & 7

What did you do this weekend?
Did you have fun and enjoy yourself?


I sure did.

Though my plans were a bit screwed for Saturday, as I ended up working full day in office. However, the evening date with my girl friend saved the day.

Watched the movie "Divergent". An interesting and intense movie.
It's a story on the people in the city were being grouped into 4 different types based on their personality. However, there were some that don't below to any of the types and how these "special" group actually saved the day.

Dinner at Pizza Hut, food is great but service is so so. However, I am still contented given that it's relatively cheap. =D

I finally start to sleep early! Though it's on a Saturday night. I went to bed at 12 plus, which is quite early for me.


As for Sunday, woke up well rested. Then went out with my brother, accompanying him to get some souvenirs for his gf's family as he's flying there next there. Had milk tea, bought Texas Chicken. Then spend the rest of the afternoon watching TV. My favourite past time activity and the most poisonous thing to do.

Now, I'd to rush my assignments as I spent too much time slacking the whole day.

Ciao.

Happy Moments Day 5

It's FRIDAY!!!

But i'm going office tomorrow. -.-

Wait! I should be posting on my happy moments for today.

Supposed to be going jog with colleagues, but it was raining heavily at evening.
Clears the hazy air, but spoils my jogging plan.

Hence, we went  for dinner at this zhu char place in the heavy vehicle car park near Bukit Batok.
Quite a decent place, cheap and yummy food!
Had quite a few laughter over dinner, especially when seeing them bitching about work and people. =X
My colleagues were all like 5 and more years older than me. But they seem like quite an interesting and easy going bunch.

Hopefully I will get along well with the bunch of them. Though there might be some generation gaps maybe. HAHA.

Tomorrow's another long day, with work, class and a short meet up with friend at Jems in the evening.
Tomorrow will be a better day!

Happy Moments Day 4

My Happy Moments on 20Mar2014.


This is the 4th day of the Happy Moments 100 days challenge.
Nothing unusual happened today. Just a simple and smooth going day, which is good enough.

Fb-messaged an ex-colleague and felt so relieved to know that she's recovering well from her stroke.
The images of her hospitalized and in coma were really a shock to me.
It reminds me that life is unpredictable and short.

Another happy moment is watching my scented candle burns.
Somehow I'm just attracted to it. =)

And one last thing, I'm going for a jogging session with my colleagues after work tomorrow! Time to workout and keep fit!

Alright, time for bed...

Nights.

Happy Moments Day 3

Just another normal weekday, which I did not do any overtimes!

YAY!

That's something worth to be happy about as I've been staying late in office for consecutive 2 weeks!
It's so tiring and mentally draining.


Headed to school for class today. And I met my dear Jazelle!!
Like finally. Being in the same campus but half a year but never once did we meet in school.
Well, though it's just a short Hi & Bye, it's enough to brighten my day.

Alright, time to get back to assignments before I go for bed.



Smile genuinely, I tell myself. =)

Uncomfortable Chill on a Saturday night

A quick meet up

A Saturday night at a bar

2 Pints of beer

The awkwardness and uncomfortable feeling among two

The singer is singing live in the dimly lit bar

The bar's almost empty


He's playing Candy Crush

She's looking at him, feeling bored

He's scrolling through facebook

She's wondering why the meet up and what a waste of time

He's still into his phone

She told him it's rude to interact with the phone and not the person whom's there

A few short conversations

He walked out for smoke breaks

10 volka whipped cream shots

2 different drinking styles

Something new for her

She drank faster than she used to do



A shiny silver necklace dangling  around his neck. Reminding her of her first gift to him, a watch with rubber wrist band, which was rejected on the spot.  She still vividly remember the words: I don't want it, I don't like rubber watch. You go give to others la! Rejection that left a deep scar onto her. She fears to gift to him again.

Now he's wearing a silver necklace, with his name engraved, from her from the land of Smiles.
How he holds it dear to him, that he even wear it when out with her.
How ironic and hurtful it is to her.


They said love is not about how long you've been together, but how deeply in love you are.
3 years vs 1 night. 

Love is cruel. Love is cheap.


Love at first sight.

In her eyes, it's love at first night.

Happy Moment Day 2

Another long and tiring day.

Just a short post on the happy moments today.

Managed to wake up on time and catch my company bus.

Well, it's something really small, but missing the bus is way too troublesome. =D

Also, reach home with home cooked food waiting for me.

Life's tough, but it's still a blessing.

Oh, and I just realised I got night class tomorrow night. Lucky I checked my timetable.


Time for some sleep.

Can you be Happy for 100 days?

Received an invite from a friend for this 'Can you be Happy for 100 days?' challenge on facebook.

Didn't accept the challenge on facebook, as I don't know how to define happiness.

Is it a happy moment or a happy day?

I guess it's more of the latter. Being happy for the whole day is almost impossible. One's emotions will fluctuate up and down every moment and against the things that happened.

But well, no harm going for the Happy Challenge, but it's more of Happy Moments Daily x 100days for me.

Happy Moment Day 1, 17March2014.

Used my Premier SeaSalt during bath. Though the salt is coarse and hurts a bit while scrubbing, the after effect is AWESOME! Silky smooth skin! Simply love it!.



I shall go bed now. Got to wake up at 6AM tomorrow.

Such an erupt end to the post. :/

Nights

TIme to Start Afresh...

Logged on, and was reminded that my last post was Dec 2012.

That is the longest break I had on blogger.

Life has been busy, maybe, too busy.

Work load piling up, more overtimes.

School, assignments, discussion boards and many more.

Friends, friends were neglected due to the busy schedule and my need of some laze time.

Love, ended a relationship in Sep2013, thought I'll be fine and will walk out of it, but it took longer and harder to do.

Financial, well, though I'm starting to save, but the insurance and school fees are definitely eating into savings and nothing increase so far.

Emotions, totally drained emotionally. I definitely need to snap out of it.

Age, growing up, getting older and mature. I start to view things differently and priorities in life changed as well.

Time to start afresh. Past is gone, and will never come back.

It is already Mar 2014. I hope it'll be a good year.

It's late, time for some rest and I shall post again.

Nights.