Well, it doesn't matter, even if he read it.
It had been approximately 8 months since the end of my relationship. It was quite a hard journey for me, to truly let go and start afresh. Initially, I thought I can do it easily since I had wanted a break for few months. However, when the breakup really happens, it was a total different story.
There were many times I wanted to call and ask for patch, but pride was in the way. Abusive words, emotional text conversations sent from me, to hide my true intensions.
I am not very smart, especially when it comes to reading mind. From my perspective, it seems like HE didn't really want to patch, but he needed comforts.
A little luring sweet talks and I was lured in deeper. Deep enough to believe things will work out, deep enough to lost myself... My friends call it, SELF-DESTRUCTION.
But reality is cruel.
HE had moved on, very well it seems.
Couples in relationship like to keep memories, items, to reminisce them after they grow old together. We had 1 box as well. It wasn't full, but it was filled with 40+ notes from him. I had re-read them a couple times. I read through them today as well, but for the last time.
It's time to move on, to let go of the past, regardless how much joy and tears it brings.
Goodbye to the 3 years of memories, of the time spent together.
I won't give you my blessings for sure, in fact I do hope you fall and hurt like how I suffered. I'm not angelic at all.
I finally threw these away, to free my heart and soul for the past and you.
I'm thankful for you showed me what your love is like, and how it is when it is gone.
Anyway, here's a little self reflections I did as I go through the notes:
- Maybe, I had neglected you and your feeling earlier on
- Maybe, I was too stubborn and selfish for wanting the best of everything, friends and you
- Maybe, I was not capable to reciprocate your love in our relationship
- Maybe, I was too afraid to love, for I don't feel love enough
The end.
