attachment is getting worse by days, as i'm doing the same thing, calling and calling everyday.
i never like callings, esp calling to request them to let my company hold seminars.
so somehow, it makes us on the downside, as we are asking a favour from others.
so i get quite depressed over attachment, and it gets worse when all the other interns, except me, had managed to secure HR appointments.
Though my immediate advisor did not say anything about it, but I still felt the pressure building up. I am really afraid that this will affect my evaluation grades though it's just a pass or fail. I do not wish to fail my attachment!
Well, what can I say, it's something that I don't enjoy doing, and also, not good at.
However, I knew it well that no matter how much I dislike it, how much I complain and nag about it, things won't change.
The world won't change because of me, I know it well.
So, I got to change and adjust myself to fit into my surroundings.
Trying hard to now, but can't help but to complain every now and then.
Venting out of my emotions is necessary, if not, I might get overly depressed.
21/03/2009,Sat
As usual, Sat was the day for my sales part time job.
How do we define good friends?
I guess I ain't one.
For I couldn't be there for you when you needed me most. I felt kinda sad when realising this.
You even expressively stated that you wanted to see me, but I just can't abandon my work and run to you.
I'm sorry, friend.
I wish I could, throw away all the obligations that I had to fulfil, or find some excuses or reasons to tell my colleagues to let me off early, so I can go look for you.
But I didn't.
Maybe I'm just too selfish, like some others said.
But I did try my best to make myself available to you, through sms.
I even tried to send you video message, picture message, video call you, but sadly, my pathetic phone failed me.
So, I keep on find excuses to use my handphone: toilets, going into storeroom, refilling my water bottle.
For these, I feel that I had tried my very best.
Though you said the sms-es had helped you alot, and thanked me for that. It did lessen the guilt I had, but still, I felt bad towards you.
Similar incidents had happened before, that's why it bugs me so deep.
I can't guarantee that this won't happen again, but I will try to make myself the most available..
once again, i felt apologetic to you, and you.
And YOU-s, thank you for being there for me when I'm down.
I appreciate the efforts, time and attentions of yours.
Though I may not have said it, but I really mean it.
Thanks.
