i'll be boarding the plane to shanghai in like, another 6 hours time.

not excited, nor happy about it.
but somehow dreaded and regret why i didnt withdraw from it.

feeling emotional.


was unable to slp at all, partly coz of the darn weather, so HOT,
partly, wasn't in the mood to slp


felt kinda bad and guilty,
esp when seeing my mum helping me to stuff all my things into the small luggage.

i always find her naggy,
even till now
though i know she meant well...

i will be bringing laptop over,
it's dangerous, i know,
as the lappy will be left in the hotel in the days,
and wad if the cleaners took it away!?

haiz...

still, regardless of how she tried to persuade me to drop the idea of lappy,
i insisted..
please, let me have a safe and fun trip...



appearance weren't that important,
it's the functions that matters...

i want to slp..

百感交集。。。。。


10 days

.................................................

MOTIVATIONS NEEDED!

ARG!!!!!!!

i'm running out of time!!!


but the dumb body's failing me at this MOMENT!!!!

how am i suppose to study when i'm aint in the state for it!!!!!!!!



ARG!!!!!!!!!


now's nt the best time to punish me for abusing you ah~!!!


alright, shall go slp soon..


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
edited, 11.28PM

alright, i'm having slight fever.
sianz....

was quite disappointed with myself these few days

projects and presentations were screwed,
messy reports, unfinished ppts and more.

exams were in 7 more days time,
and yet now, i had to go for RETEST tml.

first time going for retest in poly,
failed terribly, a simple test...


today's update

had bmm presentation, the outcome was kinda saddenning for my group.
everyone had done well, except my group.

the difference in the quality of the presentation was so great till i cant bear to see.
when every other achieved their aims, we weren't





maybe i'm really not good enough.

medsoc report's down~!!!!!!!

now left with SPSS software and BMM-yog presentation!

though we are v lag behind time,
we still manage to find joy and fun out of it! =D


just like 2 days ago,

1am++, i cabbed downt o Mag's house JUST TO FINISH our medsoc report.
slpless night and both of us ended up like pandas haha


now, left with SPSS and BMM..
rad's doing the SPSS, she's doing it ALL BY HERSELF!!!!!!
whoah, good luck...
will try my best to help, if she needed la.

anw, BMM, JIA YOUs GY~
*am going to rush to Mag's house again tml night,
hopefully can finish most of the BMM ppt ba..
rush rush hush hush....

really needed some decent sweet dreams..




life's like a nightmare these few days.....

finally finished Medsoc report.

cabbed down to mag's house at thurs midnight to settle the report.
fri go nP, whole day for proj..


proj's eating to my study break!!!!!!!!!!!

AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

stressed..

it's near 1 week..

BMM, + MRSH..

MEDSoc

3 projs at the same time....


i'm tired..

can i have more energy to do all these? =)


Da Vinci-------- heart aching experience.




who heard the sorrows?

I dont enjoy this year's national day,
neither do i have any fun years ago.


Infact, this year's NDP is the worst i ever had..

thx to Pris, the random home visit did cheer me up. =D

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

today, went to catch the "UP" movie~

sweet, touching, and kinda funny throughout the show
=D
i like it..



little shopping at Ion, whoah,
A LOT SHOPS!!!
but i didnt buy much..


had a small feast at those fingerfood stores...
mini-okto, Gigantic tacopachi, pork fillet, fried prawn stick, korean rice cake.

i enjoyed today, LOTS!!!



* sweets not given out,
words not expressed,
nothing happened. *


because of its non-importance,
that explains why it is given up so easily.


another lesson learnt.

test, exams, projects..

i cant seem to cope with it..


too many things to do,
to little time to accomplish.

i want more time with you..
yet work is preventing tt..

haiz...

hmm hmm,

the shift of blog add was a decision not told to any1.
not even my closest friends.
so if you happen to chance upon this.

do let me know?

lol.

hopefully none found their way here ba,
or maybe all manage to do so?

yep, i just changed my blog address.

violence-thoughts.blogspot.com was a history,
had been having ups and downs, till i'm kind of sick and tired of all that's happening around.

just wanted to be left alone, just like how my msn nick says
therefore, i shifted to http://my-bottled-thoughts.blogspot.com/
the name's a bit weird, not tt comfortable with it yet.
shall find some time to change it again.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

things weren't going well for my relationship,
with my dar bf in ns,
having his moodswings, cancelling the meetups, feeling wanted to have time for himself etc.
well, ns sure is a torturing journey for guys i suppose.
seen a couple of friends dreading and complaining abt gg in,
and celebrating when they are finally ORD ( which i dun really understand wad it is.)
near 3 months in tekong, a small island outside singapore, away from their lovely home, warm and comfy beds,
the emotional side can be understandable.

yet, as a female, w/o experience this period in life, i couldnt fully understand all.

anw, dar was thinking too much, his tots wandering around, till tt he tot i had gone back to ex bf.

well well, felt kinda shocked n ridiculars when i first saw the msg.
yep.

told him i didnt, and i still love him.
hope this could make him feel better...
3 more days till he books out, till he can enjoy de short break, freedom outside tekong.


was too preoccupied with all these emotional ups and downs, till i neglected my studies again.
hmm, laziness play a part in it as well..

emotional creature, i always am

kinda sick and tired of all the shitty things i'm in now..


no mood for anything.


we all need a break i suppose...




*back to sch work... *

time now, 4.48am.

shld be on bed sleeping..
yet i wasn't.


sch at 9am, which will be in 4 hrs time.
long day again...


sigh...



while extending the hours,
i'm shortening MY HOURS!


wonder if any1 get wad i mean not. lol

吸引别人的前提是调整好自己。
能够忍受孤独和艰辛才不会急切地寻求陪伴，
即使宽厚的肩膀也要辨别之后再依靠。
- Kool~

deep down,
lies thoughts that are unknown to others.

ugly and awful they are,
lay there silently,
waiting to be discovered.


none has been told,
none should be told.

reality, cruel as it has always been...

currently i'm just like a walking zombie.
walking around aimlessly and might fall and doze of any seconds!

hm, why am i like why lei?

reason very simple, i didnt slp last night, except for the 2 hr nap in evening.
so, let's count, i didnt sleep for 28Hours le!!!!!!!!!!

faint.

why i didnt slp last night lei?
coz was busy chionging the Graph Comm posters n last touch on the logos.
they are not perfect, but better than before i guess.
and funny thing i noticed is that under the influence of RED BULL, i was over energetic, and that's why my inspirations on the poster design came about~!!!!!!!!!!!!

Muahahhaha


hm, so today, had a short consultation with Mr Ang Chiat, my Graph Comm tutor, he didnt comment much on my poster, but it was approved and workable
well, tt will do ba..

too tired n drained for more ideas on it le..

after consultation, had MRSH survey + interview questions compilation.
and OMG la, we took near 3 hours to finish it.

imagine i was already half alive coz didnt slp.
and still had to tahan for another 2hr++.
haiz..

the whole compilation process was kinda funny, jokes thrown here and there.
had a great laugh there.

then stay back in sch a while thinking that i can do graph comm in sch.
haha, was distracted so sort of wasted my time thre..

well, anyways, i'm tired le..

shall go slp le..



this post like quite chapalang likett
LOL..

nitey ppl..
yawn..

love me ~

thursday( 28/05/2009)

a short dinner and movie date.

and turns out to be my Lunar Bday~
hhoho..

it feels good to be involved, to be introduced around.
though socialization wasn't what i'm good at, nor enjoys,
you do make me feel involved. =)

Lunar Bday,
coincidence=)
mama told me before i left house.
was greatful that she actually remembers.( tot they dont care de )
ate few mouthful of noodles and rushed out house.

sitting outside de esplanade, doing nothing..
small sharing sessions.
i'm contented. =)
enjoyed the time spend..


it's the thoughts and the sincerity that matters to me..
em, if it can be put into actions, wont it be BETTER? =D



Friday(29/05/2009)

wake up in the morning to do the MRSH e-chat.
bored... and messy chatrooms.
totally turn off when i enters it.=X

chionged my BMM elearning work,
and go for sun tanning after tt.
by the time me n mag reach sentosa,
it was already 3+PM.
kind of late for sun tanning.
and well, we didnt get tan also.
the sun wasn't too strong,
and the hours were short.

after that, we met up with jess, sin li, sihao for a flyer experience.
10bucks only, and it's the last day le..
gals hours =D

Sat and Sun(30-31/05/2009)
work as usual,
sunday, dar's at town as well=)
fetched me up after work and send me off at the bus stop.

no much time left before tekong.=(




life's still as usual, with loads of works piling up, no time/i'm lazy to finish the works?

part time's giving me some troubles and headaches, for i cant afford much time for friends and work, and dar also.

still, i cant quit..

it's stressful, yet at the same time, that's what shapes us stronger=)
shall go slp le..


nitey~

can i have more time ?

tired,
depressed,
stressed...




at the end of the day,
it's de self tt we care abt i guess...


sadden by tt,





assignments, tasks, projects,
graphCOM,
illustrator.

SLAP tt stupid singtel modem,
connecting to internet's a CHORE now..

can hardly find space to breathe...

my house's modem's a bit sort, n now i cant connect to MY HOUSE's wireless...

i'm using some others wireless..
sianz..
i might not be online for sometime i guess

Below is my one SIDED story...
n it's biased to a certain extent...

IB case study presentation WAS HORRIBLE..
none want to present except SHE!

i didnt want to,
but i dont have a choice i guess...

chill, i'm not angry or anything abt it,
tt's just how things had to be..


n it seems like she had PREPARED for it..
so left me standing there like an IDOIT, my presentation marks going drains.
IT JUST MAKES ME THINKING TT SHE ONLY CARED ABOUT HERSELF, NOT THE GROUP.
"AS LONG AS I PRESENT WELL CAN LE, THE REST, TT'S THEIR PROBLEM FOR NOT PREPARING, FOR THROWING EVERYTHING AT ME."
tt's how i think at the moment

HELL WASTED marks..
though i'm not a good presenter, but it wont be this BAD i tell you.



IB project was an failure.
with everyone's word n works being edited without informing

trust VIOLATED!
the way she do things portrays herself as VERY capable, likes to do things on her own.
initially i tot everything was alright, every1 did their parts.
she will just compile and print it.

also, since the CASE Study we had discuss it,
she, being the one with the ppt, will edit it, n tt's how she portrays it to be.
when others asked her to send the ppt, she didnt, n onli do so this afternoon 1PM,
when the presentation was at 2PM!! with nothing DONE!


yes we are not initiative, we are at faults as well..

but pls, if u cant handle it alone, JUST SAY

it's not we DONT WANT TO DO/HELP,
but you, trying to do all and DOMINATE the whole things
doing ur own things, w/o us knowing.

n YET in the end, there's no good outcomes...


i dont like this happening.
this is 3rd yr, with everything rushing n fast paced.
i dont have to time to settle it slowly.
my friends are aiming for good grades..

i'll be HARSH..

n i'm no goody gal as well..

n it's the 2ND time le.
no more 3RD time pls...

-ve emotions are bringing every1 down...

it's not against SHE, but how she does things, how she behave in the project...


i'm venting, ranting,
I HAVE NO HIGH EQ

I DISLIKE TODAY!!!!!!!!!

YO ppl..
i'm currently at Mag's house..

a little mahjong session to set the drinking game running....

as a beginner for mahjong game, i do have some beginner's luck n won several rounds, but i lose 3-4 consecutive runs games and drank consecutively quite a no. of alcohol..

so resulting tt i'm partially drunk.

our dear friend, HK, her BF came to fetched her away, and now mag n jess's out to buy food
they are hungry...

me, being partially drunk, was feeling giddy but yet still conscious and knowing wad i'm doing..

now i'm kinda sianz as me and mag had to be in sch by 930AM for some project compilation thing...
arg! i go do my project stuffs le,
though i'm still having the dizzy feeling..

=)