Is that you? Nah, the person is a reflection of you

As my friends and I were happily chatting away over our meal, I was stunned because I saw "you", in the mirror.

The one that's so familiar yet a stranger-once-again.

The way "you" talked, the way "you" laughed, the way "you" smiled. 

Images form the past are slowly surfacing again.

Is that you?

As I turned to face real you, it was not you.

Unknowingly, I let out a sigh of relief. 

It's better for us to be strangers afterall.

 

what's VICTORY to you?

I have been hooked to this multi-player game called FISH OFF recently.
This game is about linking 3 or more fishes of the same kind to eliminate them from you bowl. If you're able to link 5 or more fishes at one go, you will get to send stone fishes to your opponent's bowl. The first player that have overflowing fish loses the game.

There are few special items that's available for purchase. Some requires
Player to purchase game coins in order to buy the items.

If you have these special items, you will gain an advantage over the others. However, it will be unfair for the other player.

If you win this game, do you feel
Happy?
I wont. This is an unfair game where both players are of different grounds.

However, this is how life is. People usually looks at the outcome, they strive to win, but forgets that the process is the most important thing.

Maybe I'm thinking too much, maybe I just can't afford to lose, maybe I just can't accept that nothing is fair in the world...

It's been 7 months since I last posted

Guess there's no one reading my blog anymore as I left it deserted for 7 months.

It feels pretty good to visit here once in a while, as this place is like a record book for my past.

I'm thinking, should I resume blogging? 

Since none is reading it now, I can finally blog freely with an ease of mind that no one knows this place?

Hmm...

What do you want in life?

Have you thought of this before?

If yes, what's your answer to be?
Do you have a full picture or clear goal of what you wanted or is it just a brief idea?

If you have not thought of this before, I guess it is time to start thinking.

I don't know what I want, neither do I have an idea of it.
Currently life's full of uncertainties and challenges that needs to be overcome.

I shall update more in next post...
Got to sleep now.

Nights all!

I kind of dislike my current blog layout but am too lazy to figure out to to change them.

shall do so when I'm more available.

Shall go catch some sleep.

TML shall be a boring and lonely day ahead..

I can't slp

The title of the post says it all!!!!

New year, a new beginning for everyone

Hello 2012..

A new year had began. Do you feel it? I don't. It feels just like any normal days.

Unlike many of my friends whom went for countdowns n celebrate the ending of 2011. I had been camping at home to relax and nua for the long 3 days.

Really needed a break from work.

Now that holidays had ended, it's time to get back to work and fight for another year.

I should be deep in sleep by now. Think I had been sleeping too much at the wrong hours and had totally screwed my bio-clock.
Here I am, wide awake and unable to fall asleep, ranting some random stuffs on my long abandoned blog. Haha

Had set some new year resolutions for 2012. Shall try my best to keep to it.

Alright, I can't think of what to say anymore.

Nights/morning!

Bye

不再一样

时间飞逝， 人事以非。

是人生也是无奈。。

Public Holiday = Fuck Up day

Another public holiday- Deepavali.

Just another fuck up day for me.

What happen?
I travelled to woodlands just to find myself going home 30mins later, alone.

Meeting time, 230pm.
I reached at 235pm n was told u'll reach 20 mins later..
The next moment - I don't want to go le..


Wad a good way to spoil my day.

I cannot sleep!!!!

It's frustrating when you just can't fall asleep!
Yes, that's why I'm here, after abandoning this place for so long.

I guess sleeping too early, like 8pm isn't something that one should try. Unless you are the type that can sleep for long hours, or you want to end up like me, still awake at this hour.


Sometimes I feels like my life's in a mess and nothings going well. Hence, had decided and planned to sort it out. What's left is to get my fat ass up and start working on them.


Bangkok's currently flooding and my friend is affected by it. Her trip might have to be cancelled if the flood continues.

All the best to you. Hopefully things will turn out fine. Pray hard! :)

Ciao, I shall go back and try to sleep for another 3 hours.
Nights all.

Sleepless night...

Arg! Just can't fall asleep!!

Batam's In another 6 hrs time n 3 hours till my alarm clock!!

I want slp!!!

It's okay not to be okay~

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
Anytime you whisper my name, you'll see
How every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

And I know an angel was sent just for me
And I know I'm meant to be where I am
And I'm gonna be
Standing right beside her tonight

And I'm gonna be by your side
I would never leave when she needs me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
And I'm gonna be here forever more
Every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

I'm forever keeping my angel close

Feeling blue tonight...

it's helpless being human, too many things tt's not within your control.....

i wish....

What will you be doing today?

it's SUNDAY again. last day of the week, another day to a brand new week.

the weather's good, bright sunny day, just that a bit too hot n scorching now.

Friday's night was quite coincidental.
was drinking with Jessica, clover, Gerald QQ and Kenrick at Yello Jello, then clover realized that JH and his friends(the dance ppl) were just the table behind us!!! LOL like WTH.

no la, it's nothing much, just tt too unexpected.
LOL.

then from then on, i think i went mad le.
lol
was a bit high on alcohol, and due to their presence, was screaming n laughing like mad. LOL.

ooops.. shall practice to remain cool n calm next time.



Saturday was the Hangover day, woke up 4+pm, laze around my house as still feeling dizzy.
n i did nothing at all.
wad a waste of my precious weekend!!!

anyw, my bf was out with his friends, bday chalet, supper and singing at boat quay. sounds like quite eventful eh. LOL



hmmm.. what shall i do today?
did my laundry, have yet to pack my room.
need to go for a jog at 6+pm later..
need to get my shoes fixed also, it's way to slippery for daily usage. imagine me slip n fall everytime i wore it LOL..


ahhaha... i shall go get busy.
bye..

MOnday's coming. =(

losing my patience...

before you realized, you're already out of the game.

game over.

emo....


work's stressful..

being over sensitive....

tired.

haiz

same song..
different time,
feels the same as before....

Sorry That I Loved You




For all of the time that I tried for your smile
曾經我總是試著討妳歡心
For making you think that I was worth the while
好讓妳認為我就是真命天子
So you love love love love would be mine
那麼我就能贏得妳的愛
For sending you flowers and holding your hand
送妳鮮花牽妳的手
That no one was there to take a stand
沒有人阻止我們
But the love love love made us blind
但是愛情終究讓我們盲目
And I'm so sorry that I hurt you
對不起我傷害了妳
Sorry that I fell through
對不起我搞砸了
Sorry I was falling in love with you
對不起我愛上了妳
I'm sorry that it came true
很抱歉它發生了
but sorry doesn't turn back time
但道歉也不能讓時光倒流
For all that I have done to you
所有我對妳做的事
I wish that I could make it right
我希望可以補償
So sorry that I loved you
對不起我曾經那樣愛妳
Sorry that I needed you
對不起我曾經那麼地需要妳
Sorry that I held you tight
對不起我曾緊緊擁著妳
And I'm so sorry for.....
而且我還要道歉的是
Making you love me and saying goodbye
讓妳愛上我卻必須說再見
For being the one that taught you how to cry
還有我居然教會了妳什麼是哭泣
It was love love love and it passed us by
愛情真的來過 但它又悄悄溜走
For giving you everything that you dreamed
很抱歉我曾給妳夢想的一切
For taking it back when I fled the scene
卻又在我逃避後全部拿走
Sorry love, for wasting your time
抱歉 我的愛 因為我浪費了妳的青春
And I'm so sorry that I hurt you
對不起我傷害了妳
Sorry that I fell through
對不起我搞砸了
Sorry I was falling in love with you
對不起我愛上了妳
I'm sorry that it came true
很抱歉它發生了
but sorry doesn't turn back time
但道歉也不能讓時光倒流
For all that I have done to you
所有我對妳做的事
I wish that I could make it right
我希望可以補償
So sorry that I loved you
對不起我曾經那樣愛妳
Sorry that I needed you
對不起我曾經那麼地需要妳
Sorry that I held you tight
對不起我曾緊緊擁著妳
An apology now after all of this time
經過了這麼久
Won't make any difference tonight
一句抱歉並不能改變什麼
But I'm hoping I'm sorry will open your mind
但我真心希望這句抱歉能打開妳的心房
To love love love love in your life
好讓妳在未來還能繼續去愛

there are things that's not within control.
what do you do with it?


we cant change our surroundings,
shldn't try too hard to change others..

the least we can do, is to change ourselves.
but is it really how it's to be...

問

作詞：李宗盛 作曲：李宗盛

誰讓你心動 誰讓你心痛 誰會讓你偶爾想要擁他在懷中
誰又在乎你的夢 誰說你的心思他會懂 誰為你感動

如果女人 總是等到夜深 無悔付出青春 他就會對你真
是否女人 永遠不要多問 她最好永遠天真 為她所愛的人

誰讓你心動 誰讓你心痛 誰會讓你偶爾想要擁他在懷中
誰又在乎你的夢 誰說你的心思他會懂 誰為你感動
只是女人 容易一往情深 總是為情所困 終於越陷越深
可是女人 愛是她的靈魂 她可以奉獻一生 為她所愛的人

只是女人 容易一往情深 總是為情所困 終於越陷越深
可是女人 愛是她的靈魂 她可以奉獻一生 為她所愛的人
可是女人 愛是她的靈魂 她可以奉獻一生 為她所愛的人

time to move on..


wish i made the right choices....




yawn~

FREAK OUT!


will you talk to a stranger when on bus?

i wont, and neither do i want people to talk to me..


today, took bus home, and slept throughout most of the journey.

when i woke up, and still was not very aware of my surroundings,
this 40-50+ uncle sitting 1 seat away from me suddenly talk to me!

initially thought tt maybe he's en-quiring something from me,
turn out he's chatting to me..
telling me tt he had a gf at thailand,
the gal cheated him blah blah..
and he speaks so loud!!!!


he asked for my name, no., and even say he want to befriend me~!
HOLY moo...

totally freak me out!


dislike this bus ride to MAX!!!

contract signed,

but i'm on 3 months probation~!!!!!!!
AWWW~~~
my upcoming TIOMAN trip might have to forfeited!!!!!!!!! =(

sad


and de walking distance is SO DAMN FAR~!!!!!!
about 20 MINS!!!!!!!!! DIE

i wish i can FLY!!!!!!!!!!!



nights

a few hours,
a not tt satisfying dinner,
quality laughs at Mac @ PS..

it's enough to lighten the stress around..



if only i don have to worry about when can i reach home,
if only i don have work,
if only i don have to worry for my future,

if only life is easy as ABC...


if only....

maybe it's time to face reality..


chocolates, biscuits, my 2nd amulet.
i'm happy for the night.. =D


TCC before 25th JULY,
ANYONE??

life's unpredictable,it's full with ups and downs..


but why do i always encounter those unlucky ones..!!???


firstly,
i was hit by a tree branch when exiting the carpark at wheellock.
OUCH!!
it hit my shoulder.
Things happened so fast and sudden that I do not know how to handle it.
but it was really painful.
well, i'm pretty lucky though unlucky,
if the branch had landed on my head,
i'd be seen in tomorrow's papers.

just hope that this wont happen to me anymore....


next,
a flying cockroach air-crashed me when i'm engrossed in my latest One Piece release.
Gotten a fright when felt something hit my legs.
took a closer look at what it was,
and to my HORROR!,
saw a cockroach crawling away from me.

hence, took a un-used slipper,
followed the cockroach as it crawls.
found a perfect timing and killed it!

DAMN U COCKROACH!!!


i'm doing pest control! LOL..


enough of those -ve things,
here's something that i'd love to share:

TCC having promotions!!
1 for 1 main course till 25 July!!!
and the food's so YUMMY,
the ambience is warm and cosy~
I'M SIMPLY in LOVE with IT!!!

TCC's always my favourite place~!!!
except that it may be a bit costly for me now..
=D

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE


night.

lost,
stuck...

what do i really want?


felt UnderPaid..
cheap labour
DAMN!

took leave today,
so tt i can meet up with my dear Qiao Fei,
so she can have her night and weekend for her precious parents.. =)
and also to collect my Diploma cert from Ngee Ann..


it's been a couple of months since we last met.
i cant remember exactly when and which month it is,
but it's definitely not a short period of time..

many things had happened to both of us,
though we don't have frequent contacts,
but it still feels the same, like the secondary school days whenever we meet.
i'm really grateful and relief for this..
coz it'll be so sad to know that you had drifted away from friends due to time and distance.


i was late, as usual,
even though i took the effort and money to cab down to town,
and yet i met another traffic light fault AGAIN!!!!
the 2nd time in 1 week's time!!
it's really too MUCH!! and irritating..

anw, met up with her, had lunch,
chit chat, share our thoughts, went to shop a little..
it felt really good to hear from her,
to know more about her,
to walk around with her..
i simply enjoy it so much! =D
let's meet up soon k...


after tt,
met up with dear Sin Li...
we haven't meet for 2 weeks,
and de last time we met was like dinner,
we dont really have the time to talk and catch up...
hence we chat, slack at mos burger,
walk around a little,
joke and share our views on different issues in life...

just simple meet ups with my friends makes me happy..
i don't know how to describe my feelings,
i get so excited about it, even when i'm on my bus home..
to the extent tt i wanted to shout to the world tt,
" I LOVE U GALS!!!!!!!! "

hahaha..
maybe people will find it a bit exaggerating ...
tt's how i really felt..




no more poly lifes, it's getting harder to meet up with my ex-everyday-meet friends..
i wish we could turn back time and slack, eat, study like how we used to be..
this applies to all my gals~!!!!!!!!
I MISS U ALL....


as well grow up,
reality sets in..
we have to work for our livings,
hence lesser time for our friends and families.

sometimes we get so preoccupied with our things that we neglected them.
yet they are still there,
always for you, when u needs them..

quality VS quantity.
i don't have a lot friends,
i have a group of GOOD friends
and i'm contented with it. =D

"friends are like stars,
not always seen,
but always there..."

they shine and brighten up my life.... =D

ignorance is bliss..


many things are best left untouched, unknown.





DAMN

22ND BDAY


one year older than ytd,
and i had fun with my friends today.
though nt all are present,
i still enjoyed the time, accompaniment of them....


dinner,
oyster,
minds cafe,
games,
cakes,
laughters..

sin li mag clover made a mini-scrape book for me..
hahaha..
so pinkish,
yet i love it lots~!!!!!!!!!!
they did it in few hrs time only,
but really like the end product..
too bad i have no camera to take pic of it..



i do not ask for more..
am contented with the present...

please make my wish come true.... <3




*though i do not say,
but you're of importance to me.....

should......

shouldn't............

life's hard..

words are deceiving...

no longer believes in them..

too afraid to trust anymore.........

let it go, let it pass...

it's hard to build up,

but it takes just as little to destroy....

i shld just shut up....

selfish,
petty,
arragont,
full of himself.

bias.




had too much....

Records......... Judgements

past is something that you cant change..

what's happened, should just let it be..

who do not wish to have a glorious past?

who dont commit mistakes..

who wants to fall hard and felt the pain..

past should not be used as a tool to judge

because it doesn't involves you.

tt's why you give judgements so easily..

will you say the same if it's you?

because it's NOT you....

verge of tearing.

super irritated by what i heard few seconds ago..

**what's the point of digging up the transaction history and question me on how he spend his money.

afterall, it's HIS hard earn money.

you dont have a say in how he spend..

**how will u treat those that weren't good to you?

the same way,

or treat them better..?

what's the point of comparing to others?

do you have what it takes to compare?

aren't u ashamed when doing tt?

treat others the way you wished to be treated..

why people just cant get this..

dont you think u valued money TOO MUCH,

to the extent tt makes u selfish~?

and yet now , u wanted others to contribute to u..

ask urself..

what have u give?

felt so fucked up now..

but just dunno how to vent it out..

blogging make me feel even more pek cek.

since i cant find the right words/sentences to say them out..

haiz....

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

what's wrong with MAY!!!!!!!!!!

lost my HP, Wallet n all..

not feeling well in office..

do shredding also nearly get myself SHREDDED as well

want to buy stamp for those machines de stamp also get STUCKED!!!

reach home can also step onto n killed a lizard!!!!!!!!!

nothing's right!!!!

ARG!

IRRITATED

I LOST MY HANDPHONE, WALLET YTD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHH

damn it!

but who can i blame except for myself...

i'd been careless again,

left my things in the toilet again..

haiz...

damn sianz..

please don raise ur voice,

please don yell..

i know u dunno how to express,

but yelling will only make things worse...

my hand bleed just now...

blood just constantly rush out,

refusing to stop...

lucky it's just a small wound,

seems like a needle prick,

so it wasnt tt bad..

i think...

i really brought bad luck to you..

=(

it's always your loved ones tt did the worst damage..

*sick

running nose...

Roaming's so expensive!!!

almost half of my bill comes from ROAMING!

=X

萧敬腾-疼爱
作词:阿信(五月天)
作曲:阿信(五月天)
专辑:同名专辑

我沈默不代表我不痛
我不痛眼泪就不会流
总是安静承受安静忍受
安静看你走

你说我很适合当朋友
你说我总是会听你说
你说别太难过保持联络
有空的时候

把疼爱都给你把疼痛都给我
最痛是当时微笑送你走
等到你转身后眼泪也不敢流
只怕你偶然还会回过头

把疼爱都给你把疼痛都给我
放开手是我最后的温柔
如果你能飞得快乐自由
这疼痛并不算什麽

想挽留却为什麽点头
我不懂连我都不懂我
如果说的太少爱的太多
有谁能够懂

把疼爱都给你把疼痛都给我
最痛是当时微笑送你走
等到你转身后眼泪也不敢流
只怕你偶然还会回过头

把疼爱都给你把疼痛都给我
放开手是我最后的温柔
如果你能飞得快乐自由
这疼痛并不算什麽

千言万语拥挤我的宇宙
让我震耳欲聋喔喔
有多少爱就有多少
沈默的疼痛

把疼爱都给你把疼痛都给我
最痛是当时微笑送你走
等到你转身后眼泪也不敢流
只怕你偶然还会回过头

把疼爱都给你把疼痛都给我
放开手是我最后的温柔
如果你能飞得快乐自由
这疼痛并不算什麽

think you know me well?

think twice,

think thrice..

you might nt even know 10% of me..

human are too complex to understand...

guessing games aren't fun...

is tt hatred?

i dunno..

all i know is hurt is incurred, and they wont go off..

u did things tt i hate..

you choose to left me when i needed ur presence.

you think abt wads gd for you,

maybe u have tot for me as well.

but what u think is good for me might nt be what i wanted..

if i don need it, then it's no longer good/useful to me..

you lied to me.

you choose to protect ur privacy, hiding things from me.

you break up with me over sms again, even when you know i hate things this way, even when i keep telling you do it face to face..

too many empty words, it's all words no actions..

where are the apologies tt i wanted?

you said u will,

but u nv do so.. NOT EVEN ONCE...

i gave up everything on you..

was thinking if we can still be friends, but doubt so

u also wont want it as well..

right?

too much disappointments..

i can tolerate others..

but not lies, not constant hurts..

it's too tiring to continue....

if u want leave, then make it a clear cut..

which is wad's really gg to happen now..

from today onwards.....

.......

i dunno why u still chats with me on msn,

why still call me hon, dear and so on,

but tt wont happen anymore..

it's over...

family and love, i don have any left..

simple wish,

yet the hardest to accomplish..

Drink. Drank. Drunk?

went drinking last night,

upper circular road, kent ridge park,

3 tequila shots, half jug volka redbull, few mouths of heaven hill dry grin with coke.

high, numb, releasing control of my body, and don want to think abt anything..=)

but i wasn't knocked off nor vomit!

weeeeee, felt a sense of accomplishment!

coz i drank more than i expected =D

irritated by the most tiniest things on earth...

unstable...

I want a man like this..

=(

没一件事顺心，

没一件顺眼，

烦！

nothing's going right....

don disturb me..

i'll BITE!

LOL

YOU

tried hard not to think, to forget

but you're constantly in my mind....

ironically,

there's no much recollection/memories of you as well..

*weird fact

how do you feel when your beloved ones left you to another world.

sadness, i think...

but why do i not feel anything much,

even when my dearest grandma left me

maybe it's due to the lack of contact?

that results feelings for her faded off long ago?

or is it because feeling sad also cant changed anything.?

my grandfather just left me...

there aren't any so call closeness between us.

so neither do i feel?

again and again, people are leaving.

the same goes for you

pain, reminds me that i'm still alive.....

习惯就好。。

everything will be fine......

想做的事太多了，

想要的太多了。。

没做好的太多了，

没法回头了。。。

太多时间浪费了，

太少时间来实现。。

不曾为谁停留过，

不曾为谁怜悯。。。

time is precious..

running out of time..

the clock's ticking away.....

need a job..

genting 3rd-5th may

when will you expect?

when will you not?

when will you persevere?

when will you not?

when will you try?

when will you give up?

when will you feel hope?

when will you not?

complex, complicated, contradicting...

what lies ahead of you?

大热天里，
下起了细细绵绵的太阳雨。

像是在为谁 伤心的哭泣


你的泪，我不懂得安慰
只能在角落，静静地守候

也许，能稍微的扶你一把
也许，能轻轻为你遮挡


静静地。。。

I need to sleep. But was not in de mood for it. Sian. Fyp presentation next week n things are not done yet. Haiz
tired

i'm tired, physically and mentally.

too many tasks, too little time. insufficient energy


coz i know how it felt like to try to please.
hence i don want tt to happen on you.

it's hard to draw a line,
hence i'm in a dilemma.


am..

learning to be independent.
learning to not to expect from anyone.
learning to be selfish.
learning to survive.
learning to smile.
learning to be sociable.
learning to be easy-going.
learning to concentrate.
learning to not to trust too much.
learning to doubt.
learning to think for others.
learning to go with the flow.
learning to be considerate.
learning to trust.



but i'm loosing myself in the learning processs..

is it worthwhile?


dilemma

....tell the tears to stop....

i'll be boarding the plane to shanghai in like, another 6 hours time.

not excited, nor happy about it.
but somehow dreaded and regret why i didnt withdraw from it.

feeling emotional.


was unable to slp at all, partly coz of the darn weather, so HOT,
partly, wasn't in the mood to slp


felt kinda bad and guilty,
esp when seeing my mum helping me to stuff all my things into the small luggage.

i always find her naggy,
even till now
though i know she meant well...

i will be bringing laptop over,
it's dangerous, i know,
as the lappy will be left in the hotel in the days,
and wad if the cleaners took it away!?

haiz...

still, regardless of how she tried to persuade me to drop the idea of lappy,
i insisted..
please, let me have a safe and fun trip...



appearance weren't that important,
it's the functions that matters...

i want to slp..

百感交集。。。。。


10 days

.................................................

MOTIVATIONS NEEDED!

ARG!!!!!!!

i'm running out of time!!!


but the dumb body's failing me at this MOMENT!!!!

how am i suppose to study when i'm aint in the state for it!!!!!!!!



ARG!!!!!!!!!


now's nt the best time to punish me for abusing you ah~!!!


alright, shall go slp soon..


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
edited, 11.28PM

alright, i'm having slight fever.
sianz....

was quite disappointed with myself these few days

projects and presentations were screwed,
messy reports, unfinished ppts and more.

exams were in 7 more days time,
and yet now, i had to go for RETEST tml.

first time going for retest in poly,
failed terribly, a simple test...


today's update

had bmm presentation, the outcome was kinda saddenning for my group.
everyone had done well, except my group.

the difference in the quality of the presentation was so great till i cant bear to see.
when every other achieved their aims, we weren't





maybe i'm really not good enough.

medsoc report's down~!!!!!!!

now left with SPSS software and BMM-yog presentation!

though we are v lag behind time,
we still manage to find joy and fun out of it! =D


just like 2 days ago,

1am++, i cabbed downt o Mag's house JUST TO FINISH our medsoc report.
slpless night and both of us ended up like pandas haha


now, left with SPSS and BMM..
rad's doing the SPSS, she's doing it ALL BY HERSELF!!!!!!
whoah, good luck...
will try my best to help, if she needed la.

anw, BMM, JIA YOUs GY~
*am going to rush to Mag's house again tml night,
hopefully can finish most of the BMM ppt ba..
rush rush hush hush....

really needed some decent sweet dreams..




life's like a nightmare these few days.....

finally finished Medsoc report.

cabbed down to mag's house at thurs midnight to settle the report.
fri go nP, whole day for proj..


proj's eating to my study break!!!!!!!!!!!

AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

stressed..

it's near 1 week..

BMM, + MRSH..

MEDSoc

3 projs at the same time....


i'm tired..

can i have more energy to do all these? =)


Da Vinci-------- heart aching experience.




who heard the sorrows?

I dont enjoy this year's national day,
neither do i have any fun years ago.


Infact, this year's NDP is the worst i ever had..

thx to Pris, the random home visit did cheer me up. =D

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

today, went to catch the "UP" movie~

sweet, touching, and kinda funny throughout the show
=D
i like it..



little shopping at Ion, whoah,
A LOT SHOPS!!!
but i didnt buy much..


had a small feast at those fingerfood stores...
mini-okto, Gigantic tacopachi, pork fillet, fried prawn stick, korean rice cake.

i enjoyed today, LOTS!!!



* sweets not given out,
words not expressed,
nothing happened. *


because of its non-importance,
that explains why it is given up so easily.


another lesson learnt.

test, exams, projects..

i cant seem to cope with it..


too many things to do,
to little time to accomplish.

i want more time with you..
yet work is preventing tt..

haiz...

hmm hmm,

the shift of blog add was a decision not told to any1.
not even my closest friends.
so if you happen to chance upon this.

do let me know?

lol.

hopefully none found their way here ba,
or maybe all manage to do so?

yep, i just changed my blog address.

violence-thoughts.blogspot.com was a history,
had been having ups and downs, till i'm kind of sick and tired of all that's happening around.

just wanted to be left alone, just like how my msn nick says
therefore, i shifted to http://my-bottled-thoughts.blogspot.com/
the name's a bit weird, not tt comfortable with it yet.
shall find some time to change it again.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

things weren't going well for my relationship,
with my dar bf in ns,
having his moodswings, cancelling the meetups, feeling wanted to have time for himself etc.
well, ns sure is a torturing journey for guys i suppose.
seen a couple of friends dreading and complaining abt gg in,
and celebrating when they are finally ORD ( which i dun really understand wad it is.)
near 3 months in tekong, a small island outside singapore, away from their lovely home, warm and comfy beds,
the emotional side can be understandable.

yet, as a female, w/o experience this period in life, i couldnt fully understand all.

anw, dar was thinking too much, his tots wandering around, till tt he tot i had gone back to ex bf.

well well, felt kinda shocked n ridiculars when i first saw the msg.
yep.

told him i didnt, and i still love him.
hope this could make him feel better...
3 more days till he books out, till he can enjoy de short break, freedom outside tekong.


was too preoccupied with all these emotional ups and downs, till i neglected my studies again.
hmm, laziness play a part in it as well..

emotional creature, i always am

kinda sick and tired of all the shitty things i'm in now..


no mood for anything.


we all need a break i suppose...




*back to sch work... *

time now, 4.48am.

shld be on bed sleeping..
yet i wasn't.


sch at 9am, which will be in 4 hrs time.
long day again...


sigh...



while extending the hours,
i'm shortening MY HOURS!


wonder if any1 get wad i mean not. lol

吸引别人的前提是调整好自己。
能够忍受孤独和艰辛才不会急切地寻求陪伴，
即使宽厚的肩膀也要辨别之后再依靠。
- Kool~

deep down,
lies thoughts that are unknown to others.

ugly and awful they are,
lay there silently,
waiting to be discovered.


none has been told,
none should be told.

reality, cruel as it has always been...

currently i'm just like a walking zombie.
walking around aimlessly and might fall and doze of any seconds!

hm, why am i like why lei?

reason very simple, i didnt slp last night, except for the 2 hr nap in evening.
so, let's count, i didnt sleep for 28Hours le!!!!!!!!!!

faint.

why i didnt slp last night lei?
coz was busy chionging the Graph Comm posters n last touch on the logos.
they are not perfect, but better than before i guess.
and funny thing i noticed is that under the influence of RED BULL, i was over energetic, and that's why my inspirations on the poster design came about~!!!!!!!!!!!!

Muahahhaha


hm, so today, had a short consultation with Mr Ang Chiat, my Graph Comm tutor, he didnt comment much on my poster, but it was approved and workable
well, tt will do ba..

too tired n drained for more ideas on it le..

after consultation, had MRSH survey + interview questions compilation.
and OMG la, we took near 3 hours to finish it.

imagine i was already half alive coz didnt slp.
and still had to tahan for another 2hr++.
haiz..

the whole compilation process was kinda funny, jokes thrown here and there.
had a great laugh there.

then stay back in sch a while thinking that i can do graph comm in sch.
haha, was distracted so sort of wasted my time thre..

well, anyways, i'm tired le..

shall go slp le..



this post like quite chapalang likett
LOL..

nitey ppl..
yawn..

love me ~

thursday( 28/05/2009)

a short dinner and movie date.

and turns out to be my Lunar Bday~
hhoho..

it feels good to be involved, to be introduced around.
though socialization wasn't what i'm good at, nor enjoys,
you do make me feel involved. =)

Lunar Bday,
coincidence=)
mama told me before i left house.
was greatful that she actually remembers.( tot they dont care de )
ate few mouthful of noodles and rushed out house.

sitting outside de esplanade, doing nothing..
small sharing sessions.
i'm contented. =)
enjoyed the time spend..


it's the thoughts and the sincerity that matters to me..
em, if it can be put into actions, wont it be BETTER? =D



Friday(29/05/2009)

wake up in the morning to do the MRSH e-chat.
bored... and messy chatrooms.
totally turn off when i enters it.=X

chionged my BMM elearning work,
and go for sun tanning after tt.
by the time me n mag reach sentosa,
it was already 3+PM.
kind of late for sun tanning.
and well, we didnt get tan also.
the sun wasn't too strong,
and the hours were short.

after that, we met up with jess, sin li, sihao for a flyer experience.
10bucks only, and it's the last day le..
gals hours =D

Sat and Sun(30-31/05/2009)
work as usual,
sunday, dar's at town as well=)
fetched me up after work and send me off at the bus stop.

no much time left before tekong.=(




life's still as usual, with loads of works piling up, no time/i'm lazy to finish the works?

part time's giving me some troubles and headaches, for i cant afford much time for friends and work, and dar also.

still, i cant quit..

it's stressful, yet at the same time, that's what shapes us stronger=)
shall go slp le..


nitey~

can i have more time ?

tired,
depressed,
stressed...




at the end of the day,
it's de self tt we care abt i guess...


sadden by tt,





assignments, tasks, projects,
graphCOM,
illustrator.

SLAP tt stupid singtel modem,
connecting to internet's a CHORE now..

can hardly find space to breathe...

my house's modem's a bit sort, n now i cant connect to MY HOUSE's wireless...

i'm using some others wireless..
sianz..
i might not be online for sometime i guess

Below is my one SIDED story...
n it's biased to a certain extent...

IB case study presentation WAS HORRIBLE..
none want to present except SHE!

i didnt want to,
but i dont have a choice i guess...

chill, i'm not angry or anything abt it,
tt's just how things had to be..


n it seems like she had PREPARED for it..
so left me standing there like an IDOIT, my presentation marks going drains.
IT JUST MAKES ME THINKING TT SHE ONLY CARED ABOUT HERSELF, NOT THE GROUP.
"AS LONG AS I PRESENT WELL CAN LE, THE REST, TT'S THEIR PROBLEM FOR NOT PREPARING, FOR THROWING EVERYTHING AT ME."
tt's how i think at the moment

HELL WASTED marks..
though i'm not a good presenter, but it wont be this BAD i tell you.



IB project was an failure.
with everyone's word n works being edited without informing

trust VIOLATED!
the way she do things portrays herself as VERY capable, likes to do things on her own.
initially i tot everything was alright, every1 did their parts.
she will just compile and print it.

also, since the CASE Study we had discuss it,
she, being the one with the ppt, will edit it, n tt's how she portrays it to be.
when others asked her to send the ppt, she didnt, n onli do so this afternoon 1PM,
when the presentation was at 2PM!! with nothing DONE!


yes we are not initiative, we are at faults as well..

but pls, if u cant handle it alone, JUST SAY

it's not we DONT WANT TO DO/HELP,
but you, trying to do all and DOMINATE the whole things
doing ur own things, w/o us knowing.

n YET in the end, there's no good outcomes...


i dont like this happening.
this is 3rd yr, with everything rushing n fast paced.
i dont have to time to settle it slowly.
my friends are aiming for good grades..

i'll be HARSH..

n i'm no goody gal as well..

n it's the 2ND time le.
no more 3RD time pls...

-ve emotions are bringing every1 down...

it's not against SHE, but how she does things, how she behave in the project...


i'm venting, ranting,
I HAVE NO HIGH EQ

I DISLIKE TODAY!!!!!!!!!

YO ppl..
i'm currently at Mag's house..

a little mahjong session to set the drinking game running....

as a beginner for mahjong game, i do have some beginner's luck n won several rounds, but i lose 3-4 consecutive runs games and drank consecutively quite a no. of alcohol..

so resulting tt i'm partially drunk.

our dear friend, HK, her BF came to fetched her away, and now mag n jess's out to buy food
they are hungry...

me, being partially drunk, was feeling giddy but yet still conscious and knowing wad i'm doing..

now i'm kinda sianz as me and mag had to be in sch by 930AM for some project compilation thing...
arg! i go do my project stuffs le,
though i'm still having the dizzy feeling..

=)

what will you do if you bought a pair of shoes that you like, and soon after wearing, discover that it dont fits you?


1) throw it away
2) keep it but no longer wear it
3) continue to wear, till it gets comfy



a very simple example to illustrate things...


work is hectic, esp when there's sales and promotions gg on..
SHAGGED...

once again, overslpt, n missed my MRSH lecture at 11!!!!!!
ARG!!!!!! i got to stop this bad habit....

anyway, went for facial, and meet up with Qiao Fei~
weeeee, she dressed up, n me, so sloppy likett
ahhaha

did some embarrassing stunts at "pepper plus" fitting room,
when adjusting the tube top, the whole thing came OFF!!!!!!
WTF!

lol..


Vivo-ed, white dog restaurant,
nice food i'd say, i like the ambience and those beautiful night scenes, which was pretty far from our seat..

LOL..

anyway, had a weak stomach over dinner,
yup..


working tml..
n i'm so so so TIRED!!!!!!!!
shall go catch some slp le..
hopefully, i wont be late for work tml..

having some hard time waking up recently.. =(

skipped my BMM tutorial today, was too tired to wake up for it.

graphic com lecture, medsoc lecture then headed for home.


i went down to JOG today, after much considerations and thinkings.

AMAZING~! haha


hopefully, i can sustain ba..

anyway, jog+ brisk walk + stairs climbing for around 35mins.
i nearly fell off from the stairs when climbing my way up.
now just pray that there wont be any muscle aches tml!!!!!!!

=)



MRSH-> MCC chart!!!

ARG!!!!!! stressed..

07/05/2009

BMM tutorial was cancelled last min this morning.

was too tired to go sch, so intended to skipped my GraphComm and MEDSOC lectures.


Rushed down to sch to celebrate our HuiKuoon's BDAY in advance!!!!!!

happy birthday gal!!!!!!

the surprise was an SUCCESS!!!!!!!!!

muahahaha..
it feels great to be together =D


n i totally missed my lectures..LOL..


anw, pooled with Jess, Mag, YJ for 6 HRS!!!!!!
tt's de longest pool session i ever had.

but we totally had fun there...



i happy today..

not happy ytd

Yong jia recommended me to listen to this song..

i like the lyrics... i really do..

yet i'm so stunned by the lyrics as well..

enjoy de song ba..

=D

張智成 - 讓時間開口


腳步重心口痛你開始淚流
太明白在未來已不能遷就
應驗了一開始有人說我們一定不會長久

淚乾了各自走不會有挽留
現在就放開不會再牽的手
沒有錯我們並沒有錯只是走不到最後＊

從頭到尾安靜的承受
分開的默契我們都有
所有的想念和問候
留作以後朋友代口

當時間緩緩流走
已不適合再開口
背影隨沉默拉長
所有答案都在心上

當時間緩緩流走
會代替我們開口
寂寞再回到身旁
愛情留待別人遇上＃

時間會代你開口

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

the tap's spoiled!!!!!!!
HOW DO I OFF IT!!!!!!!!!!???????



chiong-ing tutorial now..
coffee at night really keeps me awake..

LOL

sorry if my words hurt you..


i don't mean to, and that's the last thing i want to do....


do you believe?



... ...losing the ability to express myself... ...

A failure Fried Rice.


inspired by Jessica last night,
so i tried cooking fried rice today, and it turn out to be quite a failure.

firstly, it looked gross on the appearance, with some burnts and crusts here and there.
also, there were a couple of lumps of rice too.

it taste weird also. i added too much salt, and the salt didnt dissolve. so when eating, there are some over salty areas.


hahaha..

i duno how to describe the failure.
shall try fried rice next time,
hopefully, it'll be better....


=)

谢谢你那善意的谎言，
谢谢你总是在为我想。

很抱歉伤了你，
我无法给你该有的温柔。。。

thank you..... JH

100th, not so good,
101th, worse!
i tried, but the outcome was kinda bad,
what shall i do.....

cookies, have them fresh, tt's what i had in mind at that moment...



listening to this song again and again,
lovely words form these lyrics
why do they sound so sad to me.....



Sometimes When We Touch

You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply _
I'd rather hurt you honestly _
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
On what you say or do?
I'm only just beginning to see the real you_

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide_
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry_
I wanna hold you tilL the fear in me subsides

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride_
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives_
I'm just another writer
Still trapped within my truth_
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth_

And sometimes when we touch_
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide_
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

At times I'd like to break you
And drive you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through_
And hold you endlessly

At times I understand you_
And I know how hard you've tried
I've watched while love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by

At times I think we're drifters_
Still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I haveve to close my eyes and hide_
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides...

there's one place on earth i hate the most now.
and tt's my house!


for most people, no matter wad, they still love their home de most, with all the people ther for them.

but i don feel this at all.

all i see is distrust, not being respected, live rubbish bin, venting ground and the list goes on... ...

if only i'm independent, if only i've got the money now,
i will never ever want to go back to this place. NO AT ALL...


i had enough, way enough to bear with...

if u don like my attitude, please do some self reflections first,
coz wad u see is wad i received from you! and you are much worse than me.
just that they always spoils you till you tot you are always right.

it's obvious, whom they dotes and whom they dont.


DAMN YOU ALLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!
I HATE you



i need you now, but where are you..
you're bothered by your things and emotions,
so am i too...

bad day
bad month..
n FUCK those mother FUCKERS!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


leave me alone, i just want to be alone.........
pls, do not ask anything, i hate to mention them...
be considerate..

.

.

.

.

.

mooooooooooooooo

.

.

.

.

mooooooooooooooooooooooo

.

.

.

.

baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

.

.

.

.

baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

missing

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!

i finally managed to secure 2 HR Appointments today!!!!!!!!

so happy..

but then, one of them is because the person's interested and keen on the topics, so she called to the company.

the other will be like, i'm sort of cheating her, tt's how i feel la.
but then, this is a business world, we make use of beautiful words to polish up our services, intentionally exclude unfavourable terms and conditions just to get to the core purpose.

sad huh, but i guess tt's how things are ba..


well well,
just when i tot i had a great day,
something spoils it all..

was pissed pissed very pissed.

if i'm really in the wrong, i dont mind getting scoldings, for, I"M WRONG!

but i nv like to be scolded or shouted at when i have not done anything wrong yet, it's all their assumptions that i'll do this and tt, but i haven and did not intend to do so.
FUCK OFF THEY IDIOTS!!!!!!

so full of themselves, and yet always thought they're right..
damn ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


HAD ENOUGH OF THIS STUPID RUBBISH!!!

PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'll be going for my appointment tomorrow~!!!!!!!!! weeeeee
MY appointment!!!!! =D

wild wild wet with kaiting, pris, deb and weiyi=D

2 of them are late! but it's okay.. hahaha

-went into www, get changed! OMG, there's so many Indians on that day! trying not to ve racist, but seeing too many of them did frighten me, but mainly is family likett.

- went to do play those kiddy slides, i slipped and fall on my butts and knocked my head! OUCH!

- played the ular-ulah for a couple of times, guess this is how they spelled it, quite fun! but somehow we always missed the camera.. =.=

-then also had this facility, where we need to carry the BIG-2 seater float up the stairs, like walked 3 floors, and den slide down the u-shaped slide! it's THRILLING!!!!! but was lazy to play it again, for the FLOAT"S WAY TO HEAVY LA!!!!!!! me and kaiting had a hard time carrying it!

-the tsunami wave pool was quite okay, but i nearly drowned there. The incident took place at the 1.8m pool there, was trying to climb up the float, but sliped on the float and plunged down into water. tried to kick up, but I CONFESS, I'm A WEAK SWIMMER, more accurately is I CANT SWIM. so though i did kick up the water to the surface, but i cant float.. -.-
so in the end, was saved by lifeguard! and everyone's eyes were on me!!!!!! embarrassed!

- played 1 slide, where it's like a tube likett.. so when u were sliding, u're been engulfed by total darkness. it's kinda scary, for u cant even see ur fingers when in the slide.
then a lady infront of us get STUCKED in it.. poor thing, she must have felt damn scared!


after WWW, dine with them + meixuan.
updating each other on our lives....
i enjoy these gatherings~!!!!!!!!!


ahhaha

here's a little update on what happened.





attachment is getting worse by days, as i'm doing the same thing, calling and calling everyday.

i never like callings, esp calling to request them to let my company hold seminars.

so somehow, it makes us on the downside, as we are asking a favour from others.



so i get quite depressed over attachment, and it gets worse when all the other interns, except me, had managed to secure HR appointments.
Though my immediate advisor did not say anything about it, but I still felt the pressure building up. I am really afraid that this will affect my evaluation grades though it's just a pass or fail. I do not wish to fail my attachment!

Well, what can I say, it's something that I don't enjoy doing, and also, not good at.

However, I knew it well that no matter how much I dislike it, how much I complain and nag about it, things won't change.

The world won't change because of me, I know it well.
So, I got to change and adjust myself to fit into my surroundings.

Trying hard to now, but can't help but to complain every now and then.
Venting out of my emotions is necessary, if not, I might get overly depressed.

21/03/2009,Sat

As usual, Sat was the day for my sales part time job.

How do we define good friends?

I guess I ain't one.

For I couldn't be there for you when you needed me most. I felt kinda sad when realising this.

You even expressively stated that you wanted to see me, but I just can't abandon my work and run to you.

I'm sorry, friend.

I wish I could, throw away all the obligations that I had to fulfil, or find some excuses or reasons to tell my colleagues to let me off early, so I can go look for you.

But I didn't.

Maybe I'm just too selfish, like some others said.

But I did try my best to make myself available to you, through sms.

I even tried to send you video message, picture message, video call you, but sadly, my pathetic phone failed me.

So, I keep on find excuses to use my handphone: toilets, going into storeroom, refilling my water bottle.

For these, I feel that I had tried my very best.

Though you said the sms-es had helped you alot, and thanked me for that. It did lessen the guilt I had, but still, I felt bad towards you.

Similar incidents had happened before, that's why it bugs me so deep.

I can't guarantee that this won't happen again, but I will try to make myself the most available..

once again, i felt apologetic to you, and you.

And YOU-s, thank you for being there for me when I'm down.

I appreciate the efforts, time and attentions of yours.

Though I may not have said it, but I really mean it.

Thanks.

currently I'm quite obsessed with this song,
somehow the lyrics reminds me of something..

meaningful but yet sad...

放了爱


你指向远方爱情很晴朗

笑问不如今后就我们俩

怕泪会反光钻进你胸膛

但那不是感动是泪无法储藏

把美梦锁上以为是天堂

羽翼折起在你身边静静躺

却只能用目光空中翱翔

还得乔装安份靠在你肩膀





放了爱 为了爱 这不是我

该怎麼生活 放了爱





你说你喜欢我笑得开朗

你越温柔我越不想撒谎

我已办不到你想要的那样

客气地配合你我感觉更勉强


别人的幸福何必要模仿

心不在何苦留躯壳在身旁

加满自由我要无重量飞翔

就算以分离收场





放了爱 为了爱 这不是我

该怎麼生活放了爱

会明白有种拥有 叫作放手


我的心为爱流离失所

紧握最后回家的线索

等到寻获真正的我

证明我决定没有错


放了爱 为了爱 这不是我 想要的生活

放了爱 你会明白 有种拥有 叫作放手

放了爱 我放了爱

Loves:

The little ironing session!!!

simple and sweet

work,
chalet,
night out,
bath,
slp,


changed,
vivo,
thai express,
walk around,
indigestion,
trained,
home.


when you saw the changes, though you said it's something good, however, your tone and expressions disagree with it.

changes, something that never stop its steps, happenning to each and everyone in the every seconds of life.

many things happened, i guess i was no longer the same as whom you had known.

what awaits infront, is something which i do not know and do not want to know.


you pointed out something which i wasn't aware of...


*sticky sticky*

2nd week of my attachment, and i really do not like it.
it's not so related to what i studied, not something tt interests me.


today, after my lunch, had this terrible cramp, and vomited twice in the mini-toilet cubicle.
couldn't stand it so cab to a polyclinic and went home after obtaining the MC.

the waits at polyclinic were not that long le, think i spend like 1 hr 15 mins there. yep





because you are someone special + important, therefore, that may explain the expectations.
when perceptions do not meet the expectations, disatisfaction occurs.

if this is a test, you failed terrible.

i needed a lot of attention then, a hug, the cares and concerns and also your prescence.

cares and concerns yes i may have it, but the rest, none.

maybe you have your reasons, maybe i'm just too spoilt, i dont know.

All i see now is i'm not so happy with it.

high fluctuations in mood now....



Blame the PMS, blame the hormones...

I'll be fine soon

despite that,

i'm still crazily in love with you

la la la la la la la la la la la la la la

sat, 7/03/2009

work,
clubbed,
danced,
laughed,
irritated,
drank,
dizzy,
startled,
chatted,
discussed,
split,
homed.


clubbing was alright, loved the accompaniment of friends, though half way was a little pissed but it's inevitable i guess.
tt's normal for places like clubs, so yep..

drank a little, few sips only, but felt the giddyness came and go.
a little chat session outside de club, was tired then..

a little break from the hectic schedules... =)

moments ago, everything's fine

moments later, everything changes....






i dunno how to react to it....





tell me what shall i do....








i'm sad


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maybe, i'm not gd enough for u...