Goodbye forever. Time to move on..

I doubt HE will read this.
Well, it doesn't matter, even if he read it.


It had been approximately 8 months since the end of my relationship. It was quite a hard journey for me, to truly let go and start afresh. Initially, I thought I can do it easily since I had wanted a break for few months. However, when the breakup really happens, it was a total different story.

There were many times I wanted to call and ask for patch, but pride was in the way. Abusive words, emotional text conversations sent from me, to hide my true intensions.

I am not very smart, especially when it comes to reading mind. From my perspective, it seems like HE didn't really want to patch, but he needed comforts.

A little luring sweet talks and I was lured in deeper. Deep enough to believe things will work out, deep enough to lost myself... My friends call it, SELF-DESTRUCTION.
But reality is cruel.

HE had moved on, very well it seems.


Couples in relationship like to keep memories, items, to reminisce them after they grow old together. We had 1 box as well. It wasn't full, but it was filled with 40+ notes from him. I had re-read them  a couple times. I read through them today as well, but for the last time. 

It's time to move on, to let go of the past, regardless how much joy and tears it brings.

Goodbye to the 3 years of memories, of the time spent together.

I won't give you my blessings for sure, in fact I do hope you fall and hurt like how I suffered. I'm not angelic at all.



I finally threw these away, to free my heart and soul for the past and you.

I'm thankful for you showed me what your love is like, and how it is when it is gone.

 

 

 

Anyway, here's a little self reflections I did as I go through the notes:

1. Maybe, I had neglected you and your feeling earlier on
2. Maybe, I was too stubborn and selfish for wanting the best of everything, friends and you
3. Maybe, I was not capable to reciprocate your love in our relationship
4. Maybe, I was too afraid to love, for I don't feel love enough

 

The end.

 

 

 

How You Forget You’re Worth Loving

http://thoughtcatalog.com/jessica-blankenship/2014/01/how-you-forget-youre-worth-loving/#vWdLLDA2i9DPgdLA.01

Will like to share an article before I end my day.

How You Forget You’re Worth Loving


a reminder to self..

Nights all.

Something unfortunate happened to me few days ago.
After a tiring day at work, I went to and tried to cook instant noodles for dinner.
Then, I accidentally spilled the boiling soup and scalded my left hand pretty badly. My fingers were burning like mad and they're trembling non-stop due to the scalding. I was so scared that I'm going to lost my hand due to that.

Here's a photo of how my hand looks like on the 2nd day of the incident:

The blisters keep getting bigger and I was afraid if I can break it. I even went to clinic to get this treated.

Here's another picture on how my hand looks on the 4th day:

As you can see, the blisters are gone. But the skin looked burnt.

Hopefully, it will recover soon.

Alright, that's all for today.

Nights.

Happy Moments Day 8, 9, 10

Oh my, I'm neglecting this blog again.

Was quite busy at work and on my school assignments. Hence, explains the lack of postings on this blog.

Since I've started on this Happy Moments x 100 days challenge, I really want to try to keep the posting on daily basis till the end of it. Seems like I need to work harder on this.

Well, I couldn't really remember what are the happy or joyous moments in the past few days. 

How am I suppose to be happy when under tremendous amount of stress?!

Not necessarily. Happiness can be derived from every single little things around us. Such as a delicious meal, getting your work done. 

So let me summarize on the happy moments in this past few days:

1. waking up on time and not late for work. I'm a severe late-comer. It is not easy for me to be on time, let alone being early. =D
2. mini snack treats in office. Little treats that will ease the stress and tensions, and encourage some bonding sessions as well.
3. Yakult on a daily basis! This may sounds a little silly, but yakult is my favorite drink.  
4. messages from friends. Be it a simple greeting or some silly jokes, they never fail to brighten my days. 

Alright, time to get some sleep. 

Happy Moments Day 6 & 7

What did you do this weekend?
Did you have fun and enjoy yourself?


I sure did.

Though my plans were a bit screwed for Saturday, as I ended up working full day in office. However, the evening date with my girl friend saved the day.

Watched the movie "Divergent". An interesting and intense movie.
It's a story on the people in the city were being grouped into 4 different types based on their personality. However, there were some that don't below to any of the types and how these "special" group actually saved the day.

Dinner at Pizza Hut, food is great but service is so so. However, I am still contented given that it's relatively cheap. =D

I finally start to sleep early! Though it's on a Saturday night. I went to bed at 12 plus, which is quite early for me.


As for Sunday, woke up well rested. Then went out with my brother, accompanying him to get some souvenirs for his gf's family as he's flying there next there. Had milk tea, bought Texas Chicken. Then spend the rest of the afternoon watching TV. My favourite past time activity and the most poisonous thing to do.

Now, I'd to rush my assignments as I spent too much time slacking the whole day.

Ciao.

Happy Moments Day 5

It's FRIDAY!!!

But i'm going office tomorrow. -.-

Wait! I should be posting on my happy moments for today.

Supposed to be going jog with colleagues, but it was raining heavily at evening.
Clears the hazy air, but spoils my jogging plan.

Hence, we went  for dinner at this zhu char place in the heavy vehicle car park near Bukit Batok.
Quite a decent place, cheap and yummy food!
Had quite a few laughter over dinner, especially when seeing them bitching about work and people. =X
My colleagues were all like 5 and more years older than me. But they seem like quite an interesting and easy going bunch.

Hopefully I will get along well with the bunch of them. Though there might be some generation gaps maybe. HAHA.

Tomorrow's another long day, with work, class and a short meet up with friend at Jems in the evening.
Tomorrow will be a better day!

Happy Moments Day 4

My Happy Moments on 20Mar2014.


This is the 4th day of the Happy Moments 100 days challenge.
Nothing unusual happened today. Just a simple and smooth going day, which is good enough.

Fb-messaged an ex-colleague and felt so relieved to know that she's recovering well from her stroke.
The images of her hospitalized and in coma were really a shock to me.
It reminds me that life is unpredictable and short.

Another happy moment is watching my scented candle burns.
Somehow I'm just attracted to it. =)

And one last thing, I'm going for a jogging session with my colleagues after work tomorrow! Time to workout and keep fit!

Alright, time for bed...

Nights.

Happy Moments Day 3

Just another normal weekday, which I did not do any overtimes!

YAY!

That's something worth to be happy about as I've been staying late in office for consecutive 2 weeks!
It's so tiring and mentally draining.


Headed to school for class today. And I met my dear Jazelle!!
Like finally. Being in the same campus but half a year but never once did we meet in school.
Well, though it's just a short Hi & Bye, it's enough to brighten my day.

Alright, time to get back to assignments before I go for bed.



Smile genuinely, I tell myself. =)

Uncomfortable Chill on a Saturday night

A quick meet up

A Saturday night at a bar

2 Pints of beer

The awkwardness and uncomfortable feeling among two

The singer is singing live in the dimly lit bar

The bar's almost empty


He's playing Candy Crush

She's looking at him, feeling bored

He's scrolling through facebook

She's wondering why the meet up and what a waste of time

He's still into his phone

She told him it's rude to interact with the phone and not the person whom's there

A few short conversations

He walked out for smoke breaks

10 volka whipped cream shots

2 different drinking styles

Something new for her

She drank faster than she used to do



A shiny silver necklace dangling  around his neck. Reminding her of her first gift to him, a watch with rubber wrist band, which was rejected on the spot.  She still vividly remember the words: I don't want it, I don't like rubber watch. You go give to others la! Rejection that left a deep scar onto her. She fears to gift to him again.

Now he's wearing a silver necklace, with his name engraved, from her from the land of Smiles.
How he holds it dear to him, that he even wear it when out with her.
How ironic and hurtful it is to her.


They said love is not about how long you've been together, but how deeply in love you are.
3 years vs 1 night. 

Love is cruel. Love is cheap.


Love at first sight.

In her eyes, it's love at first night.

Happy Moment Day 2

Another long and tiring day.

Just a short post on the happy moments today.

Managed to wake up on time and catch my company bus.

Well, it's something really small, but missing the bus is way too troublesome. =D

Also, reach home with home cooked food waiting for me.

Life's tough, but it's still a blessing.

Oh, and I just realised I got night class tomorrow night. Lucky I checked my timetable.


Time for some sleep.

Can you be Happy for 100 days?

Received an invite from a friend for this 'Can you be Happy for 100 days?' challenge on facebook.

Didn't accept the challenge on facebook, as I don't know how to define happiness.

Is it a happy moment or a happy day?

I guess it's more of the latter. Being happy for the whole day is almost impossible. One's emotions will fluctuate up and down every moment and against the things that happened.

But well, no harm going for the Happy Challenge, but it's more of Happy Moments Daily x 100days for me.

Happy Moment Day 1, 17March2014.

Used my Premier SeaSalt during bath. Though the salt is coarse and hurts a bit while scrubbing, the after effect is AWESOME! Silky smooth skin! Simply love it!.



I shall go bed now. Got to wake up at 6AM tomorrow.

Such an erupt end to the post. :/

Nights

TIme to Start Afresh...

Logged on, and was reminded that my last post was Dec 2012.

That is the longest break I had on blogger.

Life has been busy, maybe, too busy.

Work load piling up, more overtimes.

School, assignments, discussion boards and many more.

Friends, friends were neglected due to the busy schedule and my need of some laze time.

Love, ended a relationship in Sep2013, thought I'll be fine and will walk out of it, but it took longer and harder to do.

Financial, well, though I'm starting to save, but the insurance and school fees are definitely eating into savings and nothing increase so far.

Emotions, totally drained emotionally. I definitely need to snap out of it.

Age, growing up, getting older and mature. I start to view things differently and priorities in life changed as well.

Time to start afresh. Past is gone, and will never come back.

It is already Mar 2014. I hope it'll be a good year.

It's late, time for some rest and I shall post again.

Nights.

Is that you? Nah, the person is a reflection of you

As my friends and I were happily chatting away over our meal, I was stunned because I saw "you", in the mirror.

The one that's so familiar yet a stranger-once-again.

The way "you" talked, the way "you" laughed, the way "you" smiled. 

Images form the past are slowly surfacing again.

Is that you?

As I turned to face real you, it was not you.

Unknowingly, I let out a sigh of relief. 

It's better for us to be strangers afterall.

 

what's VICTORY to you?

I have been hooked to this multi-player game called FISH OFF recently.
This game is about linking 3 or more fishes of the same kind to eliminate them from you bowl. If you're able to link 5 or more fishes at one go, you will get to send stone fishes to your opponent's bowl. The first player that have overflowing fish loses the game.

There are few special items that's available for purchase. Some requires
Player to purchase game coins in order to buy the items.

If you have these special items, you will gain an advantage over the others. However, it will be unfair for the other player.

If you win this game, do you feel
Happy?
I wont. This is an unfair game where both players are of different grounds.

However, this is how life is. People usually looks at the outcome, they strive to win, but forgets that the process is the most important thing.

Maybe I'm thinking too much, maybe I just can't afford to lose, maybe I just can't accept that nothing is fair in the world...

It's been 7 months since I last posted

Guess there's no one reading my blog anymore as I left it deserted for 7 months.

It feels pretty good to visit here once in a while, as this place is like a record book for my past.

I'm thinking, should I resume blogging? 

Since none is reading it now, I can finally blog freely with an ease of mind that no one knows this place?

Hmm...

What do you want in life?

Have you thought of this before?

If yes, what's your answer to be?
Do you have a full picture or clear goal of what you wanted or is it just a brief idea?

If you have not thought of this before, I guess it is time to start thinking.

I don't know what I want, neither do I have an idea of it.
Currently life's full of uncertainties and challenges that needs to be overcome.

I shall update more in next post...
Got to sleep now.

Nights all!

I kind of dislike my current blog layout but am too lazy to figure out to to change them.

shall do so when I'm more available.

Shall go catch some sleep.

TML shall be a boring and lonely day ahead..

I can't slp

The title of the post says it all!!!!

New year, a new beginning for everyone

Hello 2012..

A new year had began. Do you feel it? I don't. It feels just like any normal days.

Unlike many of my friends whom went for countdowns n celebrate the ending of 2011. I had been camping at home to relax and nua for the long 3 days.

Really needed a break from work.

Now that holidays had ended, it's time to get back to work and fight for another year.

I should be deep in sleep by now. Think I had been sleeping too much at the wrong hours and had totally screwed my bio-clock.
Here I am, wide awake and unable to fall asleep, ranting some random stuffs on my long abandoned blog. Haha

Had set some new year resolutions for 2012. Shall try my best to keep to it.

Alright, I can't think of what to say anymore.

Nights/morning!

Bye

不再一样

时间飞逝， 人事以非。

是人生也是无奈。。

Public Holiday = Fuck Up day

Another public holiday- Deepavali.

Just another fuck up day for me.

What happen?
I travelled to woodlands just to find myself going home 30mins later, alone.

Meeting time, 230pm.
I reached at 235pm n was told u'll reach 20 mins later..
The next moment - I don't want to go le..


Wad a good way to spoil my day.

I cannot sleep!!!!

It's frustrating when you just can't fall asleep!
Yes, that's why I'm here, after abandoning this place for so long.

I guess sleeping too early, like 8pm isn't something that one should try. Unless you are the type that can sleep for long hours, or you want to end up like me, still awake at this hour.


Sometimes I feels like my life's in a mess and nothings going well. Hence, had decided and planned to sort it out. What's left is to get my fat ass up and start working on them.


Bangkok's currently flooding and my friend is affected by it. Her trip might have to be cancelled if the flood continues.

All the best to you. Hopefully things will turn out fine. Pray hard! :)

Ciao, I shall go back and try to sleep for another 3 hours.
Nights all.

Sleepless night...

Arg! Just can't fall asleep!!

Batam's In another 6 hrs time n 3 hours till my alarm clock!!

I want slp!!!

It's okay not to be okay~